1306: IN FRONT OF THE HIGH ALTAR OF GREYFRIARS CHURCH IN DUMFRIES, ROBERT THE BRUCE MURDERS JOHN COMYN.
What are dumfries and do they come with ketchup?
1355: THE ST. SCHOLASTICA DAY RIOT BREAKS OUT IN OXFORD, ENGLAND, LEAVING 63 SCHOLARS DEAD IN TWO DAYS.
Well, that's not a nice way to honor them.
1567: LORD DARNLEY, SECOND HUSBAND OF MARY, QUEENS OF SCOTS, IS FOUND STRANGLED FOLLOWING AN EXPLOSION, A SUSPECTED ASSASSINATION.
Death by strangulation. And, oh yeah, explosion.
1763: FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR - THE TREATY OF PARIS ENDS THE WAR AND FRANCE CEDES QUEBEC TO GREAT BRITAIN.
Back in the day when England owned everything.
1840: QUEEN VICTORIA OF THE UNITED KINGDOM MARRIES PRINCE ALBERT.
Not in a can.
1861: JEFFERSON DAVIS IS CHOSEN AS PRESIDENT OF THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA.
Another Jefferson movin' on up.
1870: THE YWCA IS FOUNDED IN NEW YORK CITY.
Separate locker room please.
1893: COMIC JIMMY DURANTE IS BORN.
How about that nose coming down the birth canal?
1920: JOZEF HALLER DE HALLENBURG PERFORMS SYMBOLIC WEDDING OF POLAND TO THE SEA.
Huh? Perhaps the very first Polish joke.
1922-29: MY MOTHER IS BORN.
We never ever got an exact year.
1930: ACTOR ROBERT WAGNER IS BORN.
Seriously, what really happened that night?
1933: IN ROUND 13 OF A NEW YORK BOXING MATCH, PRIMO CARNERA KNOCKS OUT ERNIE SCHAAF, WHO DIES FOUR DAYS LATER.
The ultimate knock-out.
1937: SINGER ROBERTA FLACK IS BORN.
The first time we ever saw her face.
1942: THE FIRST GOLD RECORD IS PRESENTED TO GLENN MILLER FOR "CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO."
Track 29.
1943: WORLD WAR II - THE SOVIET RED ARMY ENGAGES GERMAN TROOPS IN THE BATTLE OF KRASNY BOR.
Last time we were rooting for the Russkies.
1944: SINGER PETER ALLEN IS BORN.
Married to Liza Minnelli. Like mother, like daughter.
1950: SWIMMER MARK SPITZ IS BORN.
Does chlorine tarnish gold?
1954: US PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER WARNS AGAINST US INTERVENTION IN VIETNAM.
He was smarter than he looked.
1957: AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER DIES.
The Little Burial Plot on the Prairie.
1962: CAPTURED AMERICAN U2 SPY-PLANE PILOT GARY POWER IS EXCHANGED FOR A SOVIET SPY.
And a fugitive to be named later.
1967: THE 25TH AMENDMENT TO THE US CONSTITUTION IS RATIFIED.
The Constitution. Remember that?
1981: A FIRE AT THE LAS VEGAS HILTON HOTEL KILLS EIGHT.
Craps!
1989: RON BROWN IS ELECTED CHAIRMAN OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE, BECOMING THE THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN TO LEAD A MAJOR AMERICAN POLITICAL PARTY.
Ron Brown, ask me again and I'll knock you down.
1992: AUTHOR ALEX HALEY DIES.
He wrote "Roots." Now he is one.
1996: THE IBM SUPERCOMPUTER DEEP BLUE DEFEATS GARRY KASPAROV IN CHESS FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Reboot.
2005: AUTHOR ARTHUR MILLER DIES.
Once married to Marilyn Monroe. No dope.
2008: ACTOR ROY SCHEIDER DIES.
You're gonna need a bigger casket.
2014: ACTRESS SHIRLEY TEMPLE DIES.
The Good Ship Lollipop's final voyage.
Dinner last night: Had rehearsal so really nothing.
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