Thursday, February 11, 2016

The Loneliness of the Stay-At-Home Worker

This week, my home is abuzz with activity as my writing partner and I plan for a little staged read tonight in a 99 seat theater somewhere in the bowels of North Hollywood.   So, things are pretty active.

But, usually it's just me.   And the silence is deafening.

For an hour each morning, I hear the voices of Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan keep me company.   Then, while taking a lunch break, I am entertained by Ina "Barefoot Contessa" Garten.   Or, as I cut between channels, the antics of some fiend named Andre Dimera on "Days of Our Lives."

But, for the most part, it is bone quiet.    Except for the phone that rings almost constantly.

Oh, it's my daily check-in from the gal who wants to steam clean my carpets.   She calls regularly despite the fact that I have hard wood flooring.

Then it's that nice lady who wants to lower my credit card bills.   And add maybe 10 or 20 percent to my annual interest rate.

Oh, wait, here comes today's greeting from my city councilwoman Karen Bass. She is not shy when it comes to calling me and patting herself on the back about everything she's done.   PS, she's done nothing and, as hard as I have tried to insult her, she keeps my home phone number in her speed dial.

Every other day, there's that fun call from the person who craves my opinion.   Would I like to share my thoughts on the issues facing our community today? Um, that would be a no.   Unless, of course, one of the burning issues is why I am getting so many of these garbage calls at home.

And now it's time for the ever helpful "Joe" who sounds more like a "Kamal."   He's detected from somewhere in darkest Asia that my computer is running slow and, for about 99 dollars, he can fix my problematic "Windows" software. I welcome always his intrusion and frequently play along with him just to waste the man's time.   I reply frequently that my computer is slow but that his mother is quite quick when it comes to....

Never mind.

At least once a week, there is a visit on the phone from the IRS.   Hmmm, my tax returns are all screwed up and there's a warrant out for my arrest unless I call them back.  So far, there are about three dozen warrants out and I'm going to do even more jail time than the Birdman of Alcatraz.

So, thank you one and all.  I am always grateful to hear your voices in my hum drum day.   It gets lonely when you work at home.   I appreciate the break in monotony.

Of course, I could end it all by enlisting in a "Do Not Call" list.   Hey, I was foolish enough to try and do that multiple times with no success.   Of course, it's administered by the government and we know how well they work.

So, thanks to the ineptitude of our federal framework, I get to have many diversions in my long day at home.

I'm so grateful.

Dinner last night:   Orange chicken.

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