Friday, July 15, 2016

Your Weekend Movie Guide for July 2016

Fifty years ago, this was the summertime attraction at Radio City Music Hall.   Light-hearted entertainment and a cool stage show with the Rockettes.   Plus the place was air conditioned.

Movies are the place to beat the July heat.   Of course, this works as long as the fare inside is decent...and I don't mean the caramel popcorn at the Arclight. (Okay, the caramel popcorn at the Arclight is good enough to make you forget you're watching trash).  Let's see what's "kool inside" our movie houses this weekend.   

Of course, you could always pop in a Blu-Ray of any Doris Day comedy and simply crank up the house A/C to high.

Finding Dory:  According to the box office receipts, lots of people have found Dory.   I, however, have not.

Free State of Jones:   A Civil War drama with Matthew McConaughey.  Just to be clear, there were no luxury cars in 1862.

The Secret Life of Pets:   What they do when you're not home.  With or without newspaper.

Swiss Army Man:  Daniel Radcliffe is a corpse that also doubles as a tool.   Maybe you can use him as a broom and fly around the neighborhood.

The BFG:   Steven Spielberg has apparently bombed out with this fantasy that nobody is seeing.  By the way, the title does not stand for "Big Fucking Giant."

Neighbors 2 - Sorority:  Move.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates:   The trailer gives the impression that this is the lowest level to which comedy has sunk.  I'm sure it's correct.

Me Before You:  What does Hillary Clinton say to Donald Trump?

The Legend of Tarzan:  No Cheeta, no Len.

Independence Day - Resurgence:  Every Friday, there is a new movie where the world explodes.   Thank you, Hollywood.

The Infiltrator:  Bryan Cranston infiltrator.

Cafe Society:   Woody Allen's annual summer release and this one is set in old time Hollywood.   Even mediocre Woody Allen is a thousand times better than something called "Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates."

Undrafted:  A college baseball star doesn't get drafted by the majors.   Which means he will wind up on the Mets.

Ghostbusters:   Given the horrible trailer, I am guessing nobody's gonna call after the first weekend.

The Conjuring 2:   Better catch up to the Conjuring 1 first.   Or, on second thought, don't bother.

Teenage Mutant Turtles - Out of the Shadows:   Hey, what happened to the Ninja part of the title?  Don't tell me some Asian group complained.

The Purge - Election Year:   Flushing out the government and we should be so lucky.

Roseanne for President:  A documentary on her Presidential run.   And did this really happen?

The Shallows:  Sharks are hungry again.   Skip it and find a classic theater playing "Jaws."

Captain Fantastic:  Surprisingly, this is not a super hero movie.

Central Intelligence:   For those who have none.

The Lobster:  Entertainment Weekly said this was the best movie of 2016 thus far.   Of course, it only takes me 47 seconds to read any given issue of Entertainment Weekly.

The Neon Demon:  A thriller about a woman trapped in a murderously deranged part of the LA fashion industry.   The wrong hemline can kill you.

C Street:   A comedy about corrupt politicians in Washington.  The trouble is they're not so funny anymore.

Equals:   People trapped in a society devoid of human emotion.  Trust me, this is not science fiction.

Norman Lear - Just Another Version of You:  A documentary about Norman Lear.   Duh.

Outlaws and Angels:  A western starring Francesca Eastwood.   For a Few Dollars Less, apparently.

Tony Robbins - I Am Not Your Guru:   I'm glad you got that, Tony.

Life, Animated:   A documentary about Disney animation helped an autistic boy.   I'm sort of interested.

Love and Friendship:  Whit Stillman adapts Jane Austen and that's enough to keep me out of the theater.

Microbe and Gasoline:  Directed by Michel Gondry, which means it makes no sense.

The Music of Strangers - Yo-Yo Ma and the Silk Road Ensemble:   A documentary and No-No Ma, Dad, and Anybody who will listen.

At the Fork:   A documentary on how food reaches our table and you probably don't want to know.

Carnage Park:   Bank robbers, the police, and hostages.   Just your common Saturday on the south side of Chicago.

Cell:  Based on yet another Stephen King book I never read.

The Dog Lover:   A woman goes undercover at a puppy mill.   Hmm, that must be some disguise.

Fathers and Daughters:  Russell Crowe as a widower raising a daughter.   Back in the 60s, this would be a sitcom produced by Don Fedderson.

Now You See Me 2:   I won't because I saw "Now You See Me 1."

Nuts!:   A documentary about some Kansas physician who claimed to discover a cure for impotence and also says he invented junk mail and the infomercial. For the last two, does this guy really want to own up to that?

Our Kind of Traitor:  Based on another John Le Carre novel I never read.

Weiner-Dog:  The life of a dachshund.   Seriously, that is the logline for the movie.

Tickled:  A documentary about...well...tickling.  I had an uncle who liked to do that to me and I learned to stay away from him.

Dinner last night:  Texas hot links sandwich at Dr. Hogly Wogly.

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