Happy day after Election Day. And the world has not imploded. Because you're apparently reading this.
Happy birthday to actress Hedy Lamarr, who actually owned the patent for the very first cell phone! And you thought Steve Jobs was so bitchin'.
694: EGICA, A KING OF THE VISIGOTHS OF HISPANIA, ACCUSES JEWS OF AIDING MUSLIMS, SENTENCING ALL JEWS TO SLAVERY.
We're not even 700 years into AD and this shit is starting already.
1282: POPE MARTIN IV EXCOMMUNICATES KING PETER III OF ARAGON.
No ring kissing required.
1313: LOUIS THE BAVARIAN DEFEATS HIS COUSIN FREDERICK I OF AUSTRIA AT THE BATTLE OF GAMELSDORF.
Well, that will screw the Christmas family portrait.
1494: THE FAMILY DE MEDICI ARE EXPELLED FROM FLORENCE.
Not just the school, the only city!
1620: PILGRIMS ABOARD THE MAYFLOWER SIGHT LAND AT CAPE COD, MASSACHUSETTS.
They were welcomed on shore at Hyannis Port by a very young Rose Kennedy.
1697: POPE INNOCENT XII FOUNDS THE CITY OF CERVIA.
Will there a Pope named "Not Guilty?"
1729: SPAIN, FRANCE, AND GREAT BRITAIN SIGN THE TREATY OF SEVILLE.
That should keep some barbers in business.
1872: THE GREAT BOSTON FIRE OF 1872.
Later outdone by the great Boston Red Sox collapse of 2011.
1886: ACTOR ED WYNN IS BORN.
It's funny, because his son Keenan always looked older.
1887: THE UNITED STATES RECEIVES RIGHTS TO PEARL HARBOR, HAWAII.
Hope they remember to take out that homeowners insurance.
1888: JACK THE RIPPER KILLS MARY JANE KELLY, HIS LAST KNOWN VICTIM.
They caught him shortly thereafter, so crime does not pay. Unless, of course, you're in politics.
1906: THEODORE ROOSEVELT IS THE FIRST SITTING PRESIDENT OF THE US TO MAKE AN OFFICIAL TRIP OUTSIDE THE COUNTRY. HE DID SO TO INSPECT PROGRESS ON THE PANAMA CANAL.
Years later, you can barely find a President who stays in the White House for more than a week at a time.
1907: THE CULLINAN DIAMOND IS PRESENTED TO KING EDWARD VII ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, Cullinan Man!
1914: ACTRESS HEDY LAMARR IS BORN.
1915: POLITICIAN SARGENT SHRIVER IS BORN.
Founded not only the Peace Corps, but also the flea soap.
1918: US VICE-PRESIDENT SPIRO AGNEW IS BORN.
He died in 1996. Well, the career died in 1973.
1918: KAISER WILHELM II OF GERMANY ABDICATES AND GERMANY IS PROCLAIMED A REPUBLIC.
Leaving the door open for a plucky little guy with a bad haircut and moustache.
1923: IN MUNICH, GERMANY, POLICE CRUSH THE BEER HALL PUTSCH IN BAVARIA.
Well, if you want to snare a whole bunch of Germans, definitely head for the nearest beer hall. That's where you could find my grandfather every afternoon.
1935: BASEBALL PLAYER BOB GIBSON IS BORN.
He came out of the womb at 93 MPH.
1937: JAPANESE TROOPS TAKE CONTROL OF SHANGHAI, CHINA.
If only they had stopped there...
1940: ENGLISH PRIME MINISTER NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN DIES.
And also the father of Dr. Kildare.
1953: CAMBODIA BECOMES INDEPENDENT FROM FRANCE.
In retrospect, they might have opted to stick with the Frogs.
1960: ROBERT MCNAMARA IS NAMED PRESIDENT OF THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY, THE FIRST NON-FORD TO HOLD THE POST. HE QUIT A MONTH LATER TO JOIN THE KENNEDY ADMINISTRATION.
Had he stuck around, he might have bombed Chevrolet.
1965: SEVERAL US STATES AND PARTS OF CANADA ARE HIT BY A SERIES OF BLACKOUTS LASTING UP TO 13 HOURS.
My grandfather went to his grave claiming this was a Communist plot.
1967: THE FIRST ISSUE OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED.
A-ha, so the musical group did come first.
1970: FRENCH PRESIDENT CHARLES DE GAULLE DIES.
One ugly man. I'm just sayin'.
1980: ACTOR VICTOR SEN YUNG DIES.
1989: US ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN MITCHELL DIES.
The last thing he probably wanted was to be reunited with his wife in Heaven.
1989: THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL.
Mr. Gorachev was apparently listening.
1991: ACTOR YVES MONTAND DIES.
A name that always came in handy when you were playing that game where you had to name somebody for every letter in the alphabet.
2003: ACTOR ART CARNEY DIES.
2006: JOURNALIST ED BRADLEY DIES.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.........
2012: POLITICIAN JOSEPH D. EARLY DIES.
The late Early...
Dinner last night: Garlic beef and vegetable stir fry.