Happy birthday, Ted Knight. Well, it would be if you hadn't died in 1986.
43 BC: MARCUS TULLIUS CICERO IS ASSASSINATED.
Whoever the hell that is...
1696: CONNECTICUT ROUTE 108, THIRD OLDEST HIGHWAY IN CONNECTICUT, IS LAID OUT TO TRUMBULL.
Since the assassination of Cicero, this is apparently the only interesting thing that's happened in 1739 years.
1724: RELIGIOUS UNREST IS FOLLOWED BY THE EXECUTION OF NINE PROTESTANT CITIZENS AND THE MAYOR OF THORN BY POLISH AUTHORITIES.
Just so you know....Protestants can get unceremoniously murdered, too.
1732: THE ROYAL OPERA HOUSE OPENS AT COVENT GARDEN, LONDON.
Tickets were available on StubHub.
1776: MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE ATTEMPTS TO ENTER THE AMERICAN MILITARY AS A MAJOR GENERAL.
Not only was he French, but he also had flat feet.
1787: DELAWARE BECOMES THE FIRST STATE TO RATIFY THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION.
Since the schmucks in this state are the ones who kept sending Joe Biden to the Senate, this is definitely the last smart thing they did.
1869: OUTLAW JESSE JAMES COMMITS HIS FIRST BANK ROBBERY IN GALLATIN, MISSOURI.
First ever use of the phrase "stick 'em up."
1900: ON THE OUTSKIRTS OF BERLINS, MAX PLANCK DISCOVERS THE LAW OF BLACK BODY EMISSION.
Just letting you know that I have about seven jokes I could write here...but I won't.
1915: ACTOR ELI WALLACH IS BORN.
Made it to 99 as he died in 2014. Fake.
1917: DURING WORLD WAR I, THE UNITED STATES DECLARES WAR ON AUSTRIA AND HUNGARY.
It's always smart to pick on the weaker kids first.
1923: ACTOR TED KNIGHT IS BORN.
He guest starred on my college radio sitcom. And also did a whole bunch of other stuff.
1930: WIXAV IN BOSTON BROADCASTS VIDEO FROM THE CBS RADIO ORCHESTRA PROGRAM, THE FOX TRAPPERS. IT INCLUDES THE FIRST EVER TELEVISION COMMERCIAL---FROM THE SPONSOR IJ FOX FURRIERS.
And you couldn't fast forward through it.
1932: ACTRESS ELLEN BURSTYN IS BORN.
Alice lives here now.
1941: AMERICAN FORCES ON PEARL HARBOR ARE ATTACKED BY THE JAPANESE.
A chilly Sunday morning in Hawaii. There was definitely a nip in the air.
1942: SINGER/SONGWRITER HARRY CHAPIN IS BORN.
And was killed in 1981. He should have taken that taxi.
1947: BASEBALL CATCHER JOHNNY BENCH IS BORN.
He came out of the womb and he was already hitting .275.
1956: BASKETBALL PLAYER LARRY BIRD IS BORN.
The original Big Bird.
1962: PRINCE RAINIER III OF MONACO REVISES THE PRINCIPALITY'S CONSTITUTION, DEVOLVING SOME OF HIS POWER TO ADVISORY AND LEGISLATIVE COUNCILS.
Yeah, yeah. And still the smartest thing this guy ever did was marry that fox Grace Kelly.
1963: INSTANT REPLAY ON TELEVISION IS USED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AN ARMY-NAVY GAME.
Before this, you never knew how bad referees and umpires were.
1965: POPE PAUL VI AND PATRIARCH ATHENAGORAS SIMULTANEOUSLY LIFT MUTUAL EXCOMMUNICATIONS THAT HAD BEEN IN PLACE SINCE 1054.
That's only 911 years. You can say that the Catholic Church drags its feet.
1970: CARTOONIST RUBE GOLDBERG DIES.
He should have built a better mouse trap.
1975: INDONESIA INVADES EAST TIMOR.
West Timor not good enough for you?
1987: PACIFIC SOUTHWEST FLIGHT 1771 CRASHES NEAR PASO ROBLES, CALIFORNIA, KILLING ALL 43 ON BOARD, AFTER A DISGRUNTLED PASSENGER SHOOTS HIS EX-BOSS ON THE FLIGHT.
I guess this will result in a write-up.
1988: YASSER ARAFAT RECOGNIZES THE RIGHT OF ISRAEL TO EXIST.
Yessir, that's my Arafat.
1993: THE LONG ISLAND RAILROAD MASSACRE---PASSENGER COLIN FERGUSON MURDERS SIX PEOPLE AND INJURES 19 OTHERS IN A SHOOTING SPREE DURING RUSH HOUR.
True story. A girl working for me at the time usually took that train home and sat in this very car. Except, that evening, I asked her to stay late and help me on a project. She still refers to this as the day I saved her life.
1994: HOCKEY PLAYER JC TREMBLAY DIES.
A name that clearly sounds like it belongs in this sport.
2010: ELIZABETH EDWARDS, WIFE OF JOHN EDWARDS, DIES.
Sad. Because she was married to such a piece of crap.
2011: ACTOR HARRY MORGAN DIES.
2014: ITALIAN SONGWRITER MANGO DIES.
Mango likes candy. No, wait, that's wrong...
Dinner last night: Leftover tortellini.