1487: THE TEN-YEAR-OLD LAMBERT SIMMEL IS CROWNED IN DUBLIN WITH THE NAME OF EDWARD VI IN A BID TO THREATEN KING HENRY'S VII REIGN.
If King Henry can't beat the crap out of a ten-year-old, he doesn't deserve the crown.
1607: 100 ENGLISH SETTLES DISEMBARK IN JAMESTOWN, THE FIRST ENGLISH COLONY IN AMERICA.
What Indians??
1626: PETER MINUIT BUYS MANHATTAN.
With a credit limit of 30 dollars on his Diner's Club card.
1689: THE ENGLISH PARLIAMENT PASSES THE ACT OF TOLERATION PROTECTING PROTESTANTS. ROMAN CATHOLICS ARE EXCLUDED.
So much for tolerance.
1738: JOHN WESLEY IS CONVERTED, ESSENTIALLY LAUNCHING THE METHODIST MOVEMENT.
Roman Catholics excluded again?
1830: "MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" BY SARAH JOSEPHA HALE IS PUBLISHED.
Fleece as white as snow? Is that racist?
1844: SAMUEL MORSE SENDS THE MESSAGE 'WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT" TO INAUGURATE THE FIRST TELEGRAPH LINE.
Dot dot dash dot dash dot dash dash.
1883: THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE IN NEW YORK CITY IS OPENED TO TRAFFIC AFTER 14 YEARS OF CONSTRUCTION.
Where's the E-Z pass lane?
1895: HENRY IRVING BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON FROM THE THEATER TO BE KNIGHTED.
For those of you who thought it was Lin-Manuel Miranda.
1921: THE TRIAL OF SACCO AND VANZETTI OPENS.
Paging Perry Mason.
1935: THE FIRST NIGHT GAME IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL HISTORY IS PLAYED IN CINCINNATI, OHIO.
The Reds beat the Phillies, 2-1 for those of you keeping score.
1940: IGOR SIKORSKY PERFORMS THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL SINGLE ROTOR HELICOPTER.
Tell us which freeway is jammed, please.
1941: WORLD WAR II - THE GERMAN BATTLESHIP BISMARCK SINKS THE HMS HOOD OF THE ROYAL NAVY.
What goes around will come around.
1941: MUSICIAN BOB DYLAN IS BORN.
Just what does a woman taste like?
1943: ACTOR GARY BURGHOFF IS BORN.
B*A*B*Y*.
1945: ACTRESS PRISCILLA PRESLEY IS BORN.
And your plastic surgeon is?
My friend once threw a script into his front yard.
1958: UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL IS FORMED THROUGH A MERGER OF THE UNITED PRESS AND THE INTERNATIONAL NEWS SERVICE.
Slow news day.
1961: AMERICAN CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT - FREEDOM RIDERS ARE ARRESTED IN MISSISSIPPI FOR "DISTURBING THE PEACE" AFTER DISEMBARKING FROM THEIR BUS.
Al Sharpton, I'm looking at you.
1962: PROJECT MERCURY - AMERICAN ASTRONAUT SCOTT CARPENTER ORBITS THE EARTH THREE TIMES.
"So, what did you do at work today, Honey?"
1967: EGYPT IMPOSES A BLOCKADE AND SIEGE OF THE COAST OF ISRAEL.
And the fighting still goes on to this day.
1974: MUSICIAN DUKE ELLINGTON DIES.
Take the A Hearse.
1976: THE JUDGMENT OF PARIS TAKES PLACE IN FRANCE, LAUNCHING AS A WORLDWIDE FORCE IN THE PRODUCTION OF QUALITY WINE.
I'll have the house Cabernet, thank you.
1984: WRESTLING PROMOTER VINCE MCMAHON SR. DIES.
Bobo Brazil and Haystacks Calhoun were pall bearers.
1993: ERITREA GAINS ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM ETHIOPIA.
Who? What? Where?
1994: FOUR MEN CONVICTED OF BOMBING THE WORLD TRADE CENTER IN 1993 ARE EACH SENTENCED TO 240 YEARS IN PRISON.
Six months with good behavior.
2001: THE VERSAILLES WEDDING HALL DISASTER IN JERUSALEM KILLS 23 AND INJURES OVER 200.
Remember this? Can you say "fire laws?"
2008: COMIC DICK MARTIN DIES.
Good night, Dick.
Dinner last night: Bacon wrapped Dodger Dog at the game.
No comments:
Post a Comment