394: BATTLE OF THE FRIGIDUS: ROMAN EMPEROR THEODOSIUS I DEFEATS AND KILLS THE USURPER EUGENIUS.
What the hell does this have to do with a refrigerator?
1492: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS SAILS FROM THE CANARY ISLANDS, THE FINAL PORT OF CALL BEFORE CROSSING THE ATLANTIC OCEAN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Here comes a holiday, folks.
1620: THE PILGRIMS SAILS FROM PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND ON THE THE MAYFLOWER.
And here comes another holiday, gang.
1628: PURITANS SETTLE SALEM, WHICH WILL LATER BECOME PART OF MASSACHUSETTS BAY COLONY.
And not a holiday.
1642: THE ENGLISH PARLIAMENT LED PURITANS ISSUES AN ORDINANCE SUPPRESSING ALL STAGE PLAYS IN THEATERS.
And this was before they did Julius Caesar in Central Park.
1847: HENRY DAVID THOREAU LEAVES WALDEN POND AND MOVES IN WITH RALPH WALDO EMERSON AND HIS FAMILY.
Gee, that's a lot of boring literature in one house.
1861: AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - FORCES UNDER GENERAL ULYSSES S. GRANT BLOODLESSLY CAPTURE PADUCAH, KENTUCKY.
Bloodlessly? What did they read Emerson to them?
1870: LOUISA ANN SWAIN OF LARAMIE, WYOMING BECOMES THE FIRST WOMAN IN THE US TO CAST A VOTE LEGALLY AFTER 1807.
Would be funny if she wrote in "Mickey Mouse."
1888: BUSINESSMAN JOSEPH KENNEDY IS BORN.
Bootlegger, Nazi sympathizer, and, oh yeah, father to a bunch of politicians.
1901: LEON CZOLGOSZ, AN UNEMPLOYED ANARCHIST, SHOOTS AND KILLS US PRESIDENT WILLIAM MCKINLEY.
When you think about it, four Presidents killed out of 45 is pretty disgraceful.
1916: THE FIRST SELF SERVICE GROCERY STORE, PIGGLY WIGGLY, OPENS IN TENNESSEE.
What aisle is the cereal please
1937: ACTRESS JOANNE WORLEY IS BORN.
Turning eighty today! Saw her once on the ticket will call line at the Ahmanson. Trust me. You can't miss that voice. And then, a month ago, she jumped into a conversation I was having in a restaurant about finding good actors in Hollywood. Bottom line: she ain't shy.
1939: WORLD WAR II - SOUTH AFRICA DECLARES WAR ON NAZI GERMANY.
Good luck on that.
1946: US SECRETARY OF STATE JAMES F. BYRNES ANNOUNCES THAT THE US WILL FOLLOW A POLICY OF ECONOMIC RECONSTRUCTION IN POSTWAR GERMANY.
Knock them down, build them up.
1947: ACTRESS JANE CURTIN IS BORN.
I always thought she was the clue that held the original SNL together.
1959: ACTOR EDMUND GWENN DIES.
Now, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus.
1959: ACTRESS KAY KENDALL DIES.
Way too young. Brilliant British comic actress. Watch her in "The Reluctant Debutante."
1968: SWAZILAND BECOMES INDEPENDENT.
And nobody outside of Swaziland cares.
1970: TWO PASSENGER JETS BOUND FROM EUROPE TO NY ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY HIJACKED BY PALESTINIAN TERRORISTS.
As if you thought all this recent shit was new.
1972: MUNICH OLYMPIC MASSACRE - NINE ISRAELI ATHLETES HELD HOSTAGE ARE MURDERED.
They're gone. They're all gone.
1983: THE SOVIET UNION ADMITS TO SHOOTING DOWN KOREAN AIR LINES FLIGHT 007, STATING ITS OPERATIVES DID NOT KNOW IT WAS A CIVILIAN AIRCRAFT WHEN IT REPORTEDLY VIOLATE SOVIET AIRSPACE.
Oh, yeah, sure.
1987: TV PRODUCER QUINN MARTIN DIES.
No longer a production, Barnaby Jones.
1995: CAL RIPKEN JR. OF THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES PLAYS IN HIS 2,131ST CONSECUTIVE GAME, BREAKING A RECORD THAT HAD STOOD FOR 56 YEARS.
Never got hurt. You know he wasn't a New York Met.
1997: THE FUNERAL OF DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES TAKES PLACE.
Probably bigger than her wedding.
2007: SINGER LUCIANO PAVAROTTI DIES.
The fat man has sung.
2015: ACTOR MARTIN MILNER DIES.
One Adam 12, see the dead actor...
Dinner last night: BBQ chopped salad.
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