480 BC: THE GREEK FLEET UNDER THEMISTOCLES DEFEATS THE PERSIAN FLEET UNDER XERXES 1 DURING THE BATTLE OF SALAMIS.
Personally, I'm rooting for Boars Head.
1227: FREDERICK II, HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR, IS EXCOMMUNICATED BY POPE GREGORY IX FOR HIS FAILURE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE CRUSADES.
Okay, let's think about this. It's just 1227 and there have already been eight other Popes named Gregory? Did they have the life span of a gnat?
1567: AT A DINNER, THE DUKE OF ALBA ARRESTS THE COUNT OF EGMONT AND THE COUNT OF HOORN FOR TREASON.
Washington DC politicians, take note. That's what you do with dinner guests who show up unannounced.
1650: HENRY ROBINSON OPENS HIS OFFICE OF ADDRESSES AND ENCOUNTERS - THE FIRST HISTORICALLY DOCUMENTED DATING SERVICE.
"Good looking Pilgrim looking for same. Let's churn some butter together."
1789: THE FIRST U.S CONGRESS ADJOURNS.
Right around the time of Nancy Pelosi's first face lift.
1907: THE CORNERSTONE IS LAID AT WASHINGTON NATIONAL CATHEDRAL IN THE US CAPITAL.
Hang with me, folks. This joke pays off a little later.
1907: COWBOY STAR GENE AUTRY IS BORN.
This is the day he was back in the saddle for the first time.
1911: ITALY DECLARES WAR ON THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
And, once victorious, they went on to conquer love seats and end tables.
1916: JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER BECOMES THE FIRST BILLIONAIRE.
Who was keeping track of this? Did his money belt suddenly sound an alarm?
1941: DURING WORLD WAR II, GERMAN EINSATZGRUPPE C BEGINS THE BABI YAR MASSACRE, ACCORDING TO THE EINSATZGRUPPE OPERATIONAL SITUATION REPORT.
When he moved to Bolivia, Einsatzgruppe changed his name to Smith.
1942: ACTRESS MADELINE KAHN IS BORN.
A wonderful talent who died way too soon.
1955: ACTOR KEN WEATHERWAX IS BORN.
That's Pugsley of TV's Addams Family, guys.
1960: SOVIET LEADER NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV DISRUPTS A MEETING FO THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY WITH A NUMBER OF ANGRY OUTBURSTS.
Bang that shoe! Bang that shoe! Bang that shoe!
1963: THE SECOND PERIOD OF THE SECOND VATICAN COUNCIL OPENS.
Number one topic on the agenda? Why the hell were there so many Pope Gregorys centurys ago?
1966: ACTRESS JILL WHELAN IS BORN.
"The Love Boat is making another run........the Loooovvvvee Boat....."
1975: CASEY STENGEL DIES.
Noted Glendale banker and, oh yeah, baseball manager. They checked to make sure this wasn't just another long nap.
1988: CARTOONIST CHARLES ADDAMS DIES.
On Pugsley's birthday. The nerve!
1990: CONSTRUCTION OF THE WASHINGTON NATIONAL CATHEDRAL IS COMPLETED.
Here's the joke pay off, gang. And the construction only took 83 years. Who was running the crew? The Three Stooges??
2008: FOLLOWING THE BANKRUPTCIES OF LEHMAN BROTHERS AND WASHINGTON MUTUAL, THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE EXPERIENCES THE LARGEST SINGLE-DAY POINT LOSS IN HISTORY.
Yeah, well. We're so much better off now. Not.
2010: ACTOR TONY CURTIS DIES.
Some Like It Dead.
2020: SINGER HELEN REDDY DIES.
I Am Corpse.
Dinner last night: Chicken sausage.
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