506: ALARIC II, EIGHTH KING OF THE VISIGOTHS, PROMULGATES THE BREVIARY OF ALARIC.
I don't know what "promulgate" means, but it definitely sounds like it hurts.
1032: CONRAD II, HOLY EMPEROR, BECOMES KING OF BURGUNDY.
And the crowd chanted, "we love you, Conrad, oh, yes, we do, we don't love anyone as much as you, when you're not near us, boo hoo, oh, Conrad, we love you."
1536: SPANIARD PEDRO DE MENDOZA FOUNDS BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA.
Which might make the Equator the real "Mendoza Line."
1542: THE PORTUGUESE, UNDER CHRISTOVAO DA GAMA, CAPTURE A MOSLEM-OCCUPIED HILL FORT IN NORTHERN ETHIOPIA.
Nobody wanted that damn mosque even then.
1653: NEW AMSTERDAM (LATER RENAMED THE CITY OF NEW YORK) IS INCORPORATED.
Good thing they changed the name. The song would not have worked. "Come through, New Amsterdam, New Amsterdam." Liza would have never managed that especially with her ill-fitting dentures.
1790: THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES CONVENES FOR THE FIRST TIME.
And it remains one of the biggest jokes of our Federal Government.
1812: RUSSIA ESTABLISHES A FUR TRADING COLONY AT FORT ROSS, CALIFORNIA.
And one Russian was quoted as saying, "that's no fur, that's my wife."
1848: DURING THE CALIFORNIA GOLD RUSH, THE FIRST SHIP WITH CHINESE IMMIGRANTS ARRIVES IN SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA.
And we know it sure as shit wasn't the last. Days later, San Francisco also was the spot for the very first fender bender in American history.
1876: THE NATIONAL LEAGUE OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS FORMED.
It still needed work. It only had one team who kept playing with themselves over and over.
1878: GREECE DECLARES WAR ON TURKEY.
Ensuring there would never ever be a Thanksgiving Day in Greece.
1882: THE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS ARE FORMED IN NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT.
And now husbands finally had a good excuse to explain to their wives where they are on Wednesday nights.
1887: IN PUNXSUTAWNEY, PENNSYLVANIA, THE FIRST GROUNDHOG DAY IS OBSERVED.
Giving us six more centuries of nonsense.
1897: HOTELIER HOWARD JOHNSON IS BORN.
Years before his cameo appearance in "Blazing Saddles."
1913: GRAND CENTRAL STATION IS OPENED IN NEW YORK CITY.
And just like the trains inside, it was probably scheduled to open on February 1.
1915: ISRAELI DIPLOMAT ABBA EBAN IS BORN.
I bet you thought this would be a "Mamma Mia" joke. Laugh's on you. I don't have one.
1922: ULYSSES BY JAMES JOYCE IS PUBLISHED.
Two points off if you think this book is about the US General.
1935: LEONARDE KEELER TESTS THE FIRST POLYGRAPH MACHINE.
A date cursed by OJ Simpson years later.
1940: FRANK SINATRA DEBUTS WITH THE TOMMY DORSEY ORCHESTRA.
Love the orchestra, always hated him. I'm just sayin'.
1946: THE HUNGARIAN REPUBLIC IS PROCLAIMED.
Goulash available at popular prices.
1947: ACTRESS FARRAH FAWCETT IS BORN.
And now she's dead already. Creepy.
1967: THE AMERICAN BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION IS FORMED.
And now three fans had something to root for.
1969: ACTOR BORIS KARLOFF DIES.
For real this time. Not like in the five dozen movies where he was electrocuted, burned, stabbed through the heart, or drowned.
1971: IDI AMIN REPLACES PRESIDENT MILTON OBOTE AS LEADER OF UGANDA.
Officially the ugliest international leader ever.
1979: ROCKER SID VICIOUS DIES.
Like Barney Fife, the Sex Pistols are missing a bullet.
1992: HOST BERT PARKS DIES.
And there he goes...
1996: ACTOR/DANCER GENE KELLY DIES.
Actually, the word "genius" also applies. "An American in Heaven."
1990: F.W. DE KLERK ALLOWS THE AFRICAN NATIONAL CONGRESS TO FUNCTION LEGALLY AND PROMISES TO RELEASE NELSON MANDELA.
He's dead now, so the release is final.
2005: BOXER MAX SCHMELING DIES.
And, now, Schmeling really is down.
2013: ACTOR JOHN KERR DIES.
Sending his family tea and sympathy.
2014: ACTOR PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN DIES.
Should have just said no.
2016: COMIC BOB ELLIOTT DIES.
For those paying attention, his partner Ray had died 26 years prior.
Dinner last night: Prosciutto pizza at Jon and Vinny's.
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