475: THE ROMAN GENERAL ORESTES FORCES WESTERN ROMAN EMPEROR JULIUS NEPOS TO FLEE.
Every single Wednesday, there's at least one reference to those crazy nuts in the Roman Empire.
489: THEODORIC, KING OF THE OSTROGOTHS, DEFEATS ODOACER, FORCING HIS WAY INTO ITALY.
And sometimes there are two.
1189: THE CRUSADERS BEGIN THE SIEGE OF ACRE UNDER GUY OF LUSIGNAN.
Years before the Crusaders played the Apollo Theater.
1521: THE OTTOMAN TURKS OCCUPY BELGRADE.
These goofy Ottomans turn up a lot on Wednesdays, too.
1609: HENRY HUDSON DISCOVERS DELAWARE BAY.
What did Delaware? A size 12.
1619: FERDINAND II IS ELECTED EMPEROR OF THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE.
Okay, three in one week is my limit.
1709: MEIDINGNU PAMHEIBA IS CROWNED KING OF MANIPUR.
Who? What? Where?
1830: THE BALTIMORE AND OHIO RAILROAD'S NEW TOM THUMB STEAM LOCOMOTIVE RACES A HORSE-DRAWN CAR.
In its first years on the air, this is the kind of event that ESPN would have covered.
1845: THE FIRST ISSUE OF SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN IS PUBLISHED.
Circulation: 1.
1898: CALEB BRADHAM INVENTS PEPSI-COLA.
Little did Caleb know but, years later, there would be about two dozen versions of the same soda.
1913: QUEEN WILHELMINA OPENS THE PEACE PALACE IN THE HAGUE.
And, luckily, they had Pepsi available to drink at this conference.
1916: DURING WORLD WAR I, GERMANY DECLARES WAR ON ROMANIA.
Sure, pick on the small kids.
1916: DURING WORLD WAR I, ITALY DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY.
Obviously close friends with the folks in Romania.
1917: TEN SUFFRAGETTES ARE ARRESTED WHILE PICKETING THE WHITE HOUSE.
And that's how women's prison movies got started.
1921: ACTRESS NANCY KULP IS BORN.
Chief!
1925: ACTOR DONALD O'CONNOR IS BORN.
Make 'em laugh.
1930: ACTOR BEN GAZZARA IS BORN.
Officially running for his life.
1937: TOYOTA MOTORS BECOMES AN INDEPENDENT COMPANY.
I had no idea they existed way back then.
1943: BASEBALL STAR LOU PINIELLA IS BORN.
In his honor, argue with an umpire today.
1943: ACTOR DAVID SOUL IS BORN.
Starsky is waiting for you.
1944: DURING WORLD WAR II, MARSEILLE AND TOULON ARE LIBERATED.
Viva les assholes.
1953: NIPPON TELEVISION BROADCASTS JAPAN'S FIRST TV SHOW, INCLUDING THE FIRST TV ADVERTISEMENT.
For Ginsu knives, no doubt.
1955: BLACK TEENAGER EMMETT TILL IS BRUTALLY MURDERED IN MISSISSIPPI, GALVANIZING THE AMERICAN CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT.
Screw that whole Jussie Smollett incident and all the others like it. This was really a racial incident.
1957: US SENATOR STROM THURMOND BEGINS A DAY-LONG FILIBUSTER TO PREVENT THE SENATE FROM VOTING ON A CIVIL RIGHTS ACT.
Note to all: he was a liberal Democrat at the time.
1963: REVEREND MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. GIVES HIS "I HAVE A DREAM" SPEECH DURING THE MARCH ON WASHINGTON.
Did the dream include a trip to Memphis? If so, he really wasn't paying attention.
1963: EMILY HOFFERT AND JANICE WYLIE ARE MURDERED IN THEIR MANHATTAN APARTMENT, PROMPTING EVENTS THAT LEAD TO THE PASSING OF THE MIRANDA RIGHTS.
"You have the right to remain silent..."
1964: THE PHILADELPHIA RACE RIOTS BEGINS.
So much for that dream.
1968: RIOTS IN CHICAGO DURING THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
Dan Rather got punched. How bad could this be?
1976: ACTRESS ANISSA JONES DIES.
And Mrs. Beasley is devastated.
1978: ACTOR ROBERT SHAW DIES.
Three years after he sort of died in "Jaws."
1985: ACTRESS RUTH GORDON DIES.
Rosemary's Coffin.
1987: DIRECTOR JOHN HUSTON DIES.
Caskets? I don't need no stinkin' caskets.
1991: MIKHAIL GORBACHEV RESIGNS AS GENERAL SECRETARY OF THE SOVIET COMMUNIST PARTY.
And he went through all that trouble of tearing down a wall.
1996: CHARLES, PRINCE OF WALES AND DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES DIVORCE.
As it will turn out, the end of August is not a good time for her.
2007: ACTRESS MIYOSHI UMEKI DIES.
The easiest gag still works. Sayonara.
2011: HURRICANE IRENE STRIKES THE EAST COAST OF THE US.
And they think it's a killer storm. Just wait...
2013: BASEBALL FRANK PULLI DIES.
Strike three.
Dinner last night: Chicken tenders again.
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