If It's Wednesday, This Must Be Snarky

The weekly round-up of what's on my mind:

---So, Former President Jimmy Carter says Bush is the worst President ever.

---Kettle. Pot. Black. While Bush clearly stinks and will go down as one of the worst Presidents of the 21th Century, Carter is definitely in the running for the title covering the 20th Century. The only ones standing in his way of the top honors are Harding and Hoover.

---Carter was inept and continues to base his legacy on one single moment. When he flashed that smile of 200 or so Chiclets and brokered a meeting between Begin and Sadat that would promote lasting peace in the Mid East.

---Yeah, and how many suicide car bombs went off there yesterday?

---This hillbilly ran the government into the ground. There might as well have been a broken washing machine sitting on the White House lawn with Amy running around in Pampers through a sprinkler. Ford should have gotten the extra four years.

---I made the mistake of self-inflicting brain damage by watching 30 minutes of the SNL season finale. I was appalled to see how unprofessional a production it has become. The cast doesn't even try to be subtle about the cuecards.

---Lorne Michaels is the TV equivalent of a slumlord. He makes huge amounts of money for overseeing something that has not been viable since the early 90s.

---And he considers himself a comedy genius. How many suitcases does he pack for his ego trip?

---Michaels has such a big head you can find it on Google Earth.

---I got to make my first 2007 appearance at Shea Stadium last Saturday as I watched the Mets pummel the Junkees.

---In those inter-league games in the past at Shea, the crowd was mixed. Sometimes, a lot more cheers for the Yankees than the Mets. Well, this year, the tide has turned. Those few Yankee fans there were wearing disguises.

---It just goes to show how NY baseball fandom sets up. One-third of the city is diehard Yankee, one-third is diehard Met. The remaining third jumps on whatever band wagon is sporting the better record at the time.

---The new construction just outside the outfield wall is hideous. It looks like the ironworks set from an old production of "Sweeney Todd."

---My hot dog bun was stale. And they have restored the use of ketchup and mustard packets. The ones you have to rip open with your teeth and they wind up squirting more on you than the frankfurter.

---Major baseball prediction: the Mets will never win a World Series with Billy Wagner as their closer.

---Sure, he's dynamite up three runs and coming into the ninth with a clean slate. But, as soon as there is a sniff of trouble (i.e., one man on base), he unravels faster than an Old Navy sweater.

---Right now, the only job security Joe Torre has resides with a critically ill brother in the hospital.

---Met Manager Willie Randolph made the commencement address at Fordham University's graduation on Saturday. He's now Doctor Willie Randolph, thank you very much. I listened to the speech on my beloved WFUV-FM. I am guessing that his speech was the only commencement address to ever include the following line: "Jose Reyes, man, that brother can run."

---They've come out with Diet Coke that has vitamins added. How ridiculous is that? Aren't people satisfied with Flintstones Chewables?

---The better season ender on "24" would have been to discover that Jack Bauer hallucinated the entire day from a Chinese prison. With fellow prisoner Bob Newhart next to him covered in those Suzanne Pleshette bedsheets.

---It must be sweeps. We're learning about all these plastic surgeries that have gone bad every night on the 11PM News.

---I have yet to see Joan Rivers in that mix. She's become her own joke. You know, she has to bend her knees whenever she wants to smile.

---Her face is so tight she needs a shoehorn to put on her mascara.

---With all the skin they were able to pull from her, they were able to construct Thursday's starting pitcher for the Yankees.

---Watching the Milwaukee Brewers play the Dodgers on Monday night, I couldn't help but notice how Prince Fielder has emulated his old man. At the buffet table.

---Who names their kid Prince? That's a dog's name.

---The Idol final competition was actually kind of dull. Blake destroyed the song that won the writing contest. That puts Jordin over the top.

---I was thinking that maybe Seacrest would come out and say there had been a Supreme Court ruling that overturned last week's vote.

---Has Blake tucked in his shirt once this season?

---Was it me or did Jordin, in those home movies when she was younger, look a bit darker? I know she's from an inter-racial home, but she looks a lot lighter now.

---I hope she doesn't have some sort of Michael Jackson thing going. I am just chalking it up to bad Kabuki make-up.

---Chalking it up? I can be so clever.

---Paula Abdul broke her nose. She fell over her chihuahua.

---I didn't know that chihuahuas came in a bottle.

---This happened last night and she was not sporting a bandage. Only in LA can you find an all-night plastic surgeon.

---Although it looks like she had hers done at Ralph's.

Dinner last night: andouille sausage and pickled beets.