I'm Just Saying....

---Victoria Principal has paid $200,000 for the opportunity to go up in the space shuttle. Now NASA scientists can finally learn what zero gravity does to fake breasts.

---Paris Hilton is going to jail. Who's going to tell her there's no mini bar in her cell?

---Due to those nasty brush fires in Los Angeles yesterday, they may have to evacuate the L.A. Zoo. I'm guessing they will all spend the night at Betty White's house.

---Somehow I have to get myself invited to one of those Hollywood funerals. I hear the service for Tom Poston was hilarious. His wife, Suzanne Pleshette, started his eulogy by introducing herself as the "Widow Poston" just in case there were single men in the audience.

---Suzanne actually buried her second husband alongside the resting place of her first husband, Tom Gallagher. If your name is Tom, don't throw your hat in the ring to be Husband #3. Especially if you smoke a pack a day.

---My partner and I had the occasion to have some dealings with Suzanne's first Tom about ten years ago. A really nice guy, but I have an idea what did him in. I told a joke on the phone and his laugh turned into a cough that lasted for ten minutes.

---Barry Gibb was on American Idol last night and he obviously got his dentures the same place Margot Kidder bought hers.

---The four finalists were so so. Jordin Sparks' rendition of Barbra's "Woman in Love" was so bad. That wail of anguish you heard last night was coming from the Streisand compound in Malibu. It would be like she just learned that they have removed term limits from the White House. I'm guessing it would sucque to be wearing James Brolin's bathrobe last night.

---Blake and Lakisha are the favorites to be non-favorites by Thursday. His beatbox versions of Bee Gee songs tonight sounded like Jack Benny's old Maxwell. The only thing missing was Rochester turning the crank. It's like Mel Blanc decided to be a rock star.

---Judge Judy got the nice "upfront" seat in the Idol audience. In a swap of guest shots, Paula will visit Judge Judy's show next week when she sues somebody for selling her a broken washing machine.

---Yesterday, they released the 20th anniversary DVD of "Dirty Dancing." Can you believe that movie came out in 1987?! That was three noses ago for Jennifer Grey.

---It was so long ago that it was pre-Law and Order for Jerry Ohrbach.

---It was so long ago that the movie's director was one of the EARLY casualties of the AIDS virus.

---And it was probably the last time Patrick Swayze got a callback from his agent.

---Does anybody know what car wash he's working at these days?

---There is no more exhilerating film moment than that last dance number in "Dirty Dancing." Except not one of those numbers resemble anything close to rock and roll music heard in 1963. In the same way that none of the songs in "Dreamgirls" sound remotely like anything produced in Motown.

---So, you go to lunch and get the special. Soup and a half sandwich. My question: what the hell happens to the other half of that sandwich?

---Another rhetorical question from a good friend: if Tommy John get his appendix out, is it still considered Tommy John surgery?

---Why is today's post sounding like an episode of Seinfeld?

---Or that goofy USA Today column Larry King used to write? When he used to write such declarations as "For my money, nobody makes a better hard salami than Boar's Head."

---That HD camera is very unforgiving for some actresses. Nicolette Sheridan looked horrible on "Desperate Housewives" Sunday. Sort of like Victoria Principal during re-entry.

---And we are right back where we started.

Dinner last night: smoked turkey sandwich from this great neighborhood luncheonette Clementine.