The Dog Wednesdays of Summer

It's not the heat. It's the stupidity.

---I was channel surfing the other day when I ran into Larry King "interviewing" Tammy Faye Whatever Her Last Name Was At The End. The cancer had pretty much eaten her up and she looked like she was ready to be buried in a cigar box out in the backyard.

---And, two days later, she was.

---Once again, Larry's got his finger on the pulse of America.

---That's right. He focuses on one more person nobody cares about.

---Yo, Tammy, there are no false eyelashes in Heaven.

---Or ATMs. So, there's no way you can access all those millions you stole from people in the name of God.

---Well, I'm guessing you figured that out by now.

---Lindsey Lohan got tagged again for drunk driving, possession of cocaine, etc., etc.. Where the heck has she been doing those rehabs? At Sears?

---Mucho chuckles on the Presidential campaign. Some pollster came out and said men won't vote for Hillary, because she reminds them of their wives.

---I guess they're all envisioning four years of Saturday yard work.

---And Barack Obobo had this to say when he was asked if he is "Black enough." He replied that he's reminded of his race everytime he tries to get a cab in Manhattan.

---Frankly, I doubt this pompous ass has ever stood on a street corner in the rain with his arm in the air. He's got "limousine" written all over him.

---Get over it. I'm not going to vote for you not because of your skin color. It's because you're a detestable Harvard-educated lawyer.

---I was watching the Fox telecast of Mets-Dodgers on Saturday and they kept cutting to Bluto Bonds every time he came up to bat in Milwaukee.

---Here's a guy going after a huge career accomplishment and he is royally booed by the Milwaukee crowd, who realizes he is breaking their guy's (Hank Aaron) record.

---Baseball mangled this from the get-go. By doing nothing on steroids and allowing those other two science projects (McGwire and Sosa) to go hogwild ten years ago, a historic moment now has about as much relevancy as a Betamax repairman.

---At the Met-Dodger game on Sunday, there was a twenty-something Met fan sitting across from me and he was actually wearing a Dykstra shirt. I told him that it was great to see somebody so young recognizing Met history. He immediately reeled off the names of other 1986 Mets.

---But, I totally lost him when I mentioned Cleon Jones and Tommie Agee. He looked at me like I just told him I saw his girlfriend hanging around the men's room between innings.

---Heck, I didn't have to be there to know who Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig were.

---I remember that on-line survey the Mets ran a few years back. They asked fans to name the greatest moment in Met history.

---The 1969 World Series did not finish in first place!!!

---At the Friday Met-Dodger game, some burly broad came careening down the steps past me chasing a beach ball.

---She went after the ball like it was a pork chop.

---I'm sorry, Miss. Is the baseball game in your way?

---Moron.

---At the same Friday tilt (used to love that word), I was thoroughly appalled by the actions of Jose Reyes before the game. There's a color guard marching the flag out. Then, some soldier just back from Iraq sings the National Anthem.

---Every player on the field is standing perfectly still. Except for Senor Idiot, who is continuing with his calisthenics.

---While the bombs are bursting in air, he's swinging a bat like he's in the on-deck circle. Everybody around me saw the same thing and gave him hell.

---Somebody, somebody, somebody in Met management, please talk to this kid!

---I don't want to hear he's got a lot of energy. If you can't stand still for two minutes during the National Anthem, there should be a Ritalin prescription waiting for you at Walgren's.

---And while we're at it, let's lay Lastings Milledge down in a bun with some onions and relish. I don't find all that high-fiving and chest bumping warranted by somebody hitting .190.

---Paging Mookie Wilson. He knew how to do it with class.

---What has twelve arms, twelve legs, six heads, and can't get out of its own way?

---Answer: the Dodger bullpen.

---Paging Tom Niedenfeuer.

---Scientists are now saying that California air is being totally contaminated by currents bringing in pollution from China across the Pacific Ocean.

---I'm tired. Feel free to insert your own joke.

---Speaking of which, what about Michael Vick, the NFL's official canine advocate?

---He should work out a deal with the Koreatown Chamber of Commerce.

---There goes his endorsement deal with Milkbone.

---By the way, there's a 25 point bonus for whoever can identify the dog in the picture that adorns today's rant.

---Headed to Dallas today. After you scour Dealey Plaza looking for brain fragments, there's not much less to do there.

Don't raise a ruckus if Thursday's post is late. I never function well when I am in the middle of the country.

Dinner last night: German Cervelat sandwich and bean salad.