The AFI 40th Anniversary Celebration at the Arclight

On Wednesday, the Arclight Cinemas (including the historic Cinerama Dome) ceded over their facilities to the American Film Institute, so that they could conduct their 40th Anniversary festivities. I wrote about this last week. Ten of the screens were devoted to the unspooling of a classic movie which was introduced by one of the film's principals. It was a daunting list of appearances:

Tippi Hedren representing "The Birds."

Billy Crystal and Rob Reiner showing "When Harry Met Sally."

Stallone introing "Rocky."

Eastwood prepping "Unforgiven."

George Lucas showing the original "Star Wars."

Warren Beatty repping "Bonnie and Clyde."

Jack Nicholson showing "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

Kirk Douglas stammering his way through an intro for "Spartacus."

Angela Lansbury doing "Beauty and the Beast."

Julie Andrews appearing before "The Sound of Music."

There was supposed to be an eleventh film, "The Shawshank Redemption," but it was cancelled when its rep, Morgan Freeman, inexplicably had something else to do. Probably a narration of some dopey documentary on the migration of loons. But, I digress...

This whole evening sold out in 45 seconds. Luckily, I got the movie I wanted. The kicker was all these movies were supposed to start at the same time. 7PM. So, what you had at the Arclight was a bunch of moviegoers and high powered celebrities showing up at the same time. After walking past a mile long red carpet populated by paparazzi who were getting the day off from following Britney Spears into traffic court, the regular moviegoers (including me) were shuttled into our respective theaters, armed with complimentary popcorn and a plastic cup of soda. It looked like the first day of school. We all had to report to our respective classes and my homeroom teacher was Julie Andrews.

Our auditorium was full. They prepped us for the movie by playing the soundtrack to the movie as factoids from the film kept popping up on the screen. I learned why the Von Trapp children wore lifts in their shoes. That Sharon Tate had auditioned to be one of the kids. That Julie Andrews had just gotten over a yeast infection before she did the "My Favorite Things" number. (Okay, I made that one up.) And we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, some AFI suit showed up to thank us for coming and explained that the stars would be here as they were done walking the red carpet.

And we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

They could have been steam cleaning the red carpet for all we knew. It took the Van Trapps less time to get out of Austria. By the seventeenth time that I was listening to "The Lonely Goatherd" over the PA system, I was ready to start rooting for the Nazis. (Although we may have lucked out since I heard the Rocky room heard "Gonna Fly Now" on a loop for 90 straight minutes!) I started to sing. "I am sixteen going on seventy." Most of the audience's complimentary popcorn had been devoured and they were starting to gnaw on the cup holders. I decided to head out to the lobby to see what was happening. Outside, there was now a line of tuxedoed gay men all ready to direct the incoming celebrities to their respective screening rooms. It looked like a West Hollywood production of "Hello Dolly" with the waiters all waiting for Dolly Levi's return to the Harmonia Gardens. I turned around.

And found myself face-to-face with Julie Andrews.

Just as I did with most girls in high school, I immediately ran away. Well, really, back to my seat. The show was obviously ready to start.

And then we waited.

And waited.

And waited. I figured Julie was having a tough time trying to decide between Red Vines and Sno Caps at the candy counter. Finally, we got going. George Stevens Jr. (son of one of my favorite directors), a founding member of the AFI, came out to do the introduction. The short old lady who was sitting in front of me happened to be director Robert Wise's widow. A few seats over was the chick who had played Liesl Von Trapp. I quickly scoured the audience for Angela Cartwright, because I always thought she was a fox. I should be so lucky.

Finally, 53 minutes late, Julie Andrews entered to a resounding standing ovation. She looked glorious and probably could fly an umbrella for the cameras tomorrow. She is not walking in with a beach pail full of popcorn or one of those AFI sippy cups, so I know she's pretty much out of here as soon as the first bird chirps during the opening panorama of the Austrian hills. The teenage girl standing beside me was sobbing with joy. She was either a really big Julie Andrews fan or was simply moved by the free snacks. After the applause died down, Julie started to speak.

Actually read from some index cards. The speech was very scripted and focused largely on the corporate sponsor for the event. Target. Tar-jay!!

Huh?

Julie expounds on the professional and personal relationship she has with the good people from Target.

Huh?

My mind was racing. Was that really Julie Andrews I saw buying patio furniture last week? When she talks about the "good people from Target," is she referring to just the board of directors or is she going for coffee with the stock room guy? I realized that, in each of the Arclight auditoriums, some celebrity was reciting the same pap. And how much I would pay to hear Jack Nicholson, dark glasses and all, tell us that he bought his new Laker jersey at the Tar-Jay on La Brea.

Is there nothing that can't be sponsored anymore? Must there be a name attachment to everything??? They even made these stars have a photo op with the Target mascot, some knockoff of Petey from the Little Rascals.

Mercifully, the Target infomercial stopped just short of Julie yelling into the mike "attention, shoppers." Finally, she was allowed to wax off the cuff about the movie. She told a great story about how the helicopter shooting the opening sequence of the film almost blew her off the damn mountain. There was no need for her to explain why the kids all wore lifts during the production. We had gotten that answer during the slide show that preceded her appearance.

And, then, she was gone. Begging off to go home and put a Healthy Choice dinner in the microwave for husband Blake Edwards.

The girl next to me never stopped sobbed during the entire film. It was either very clinical or perhaps she once had a bad experience with a nun. it was actually the first time I had seen the movie on a big screen and it is truly the only way to enjoy it. The Arclight did butcher the presentation somewhat. They did not play the theater overture, which clearly exists on the DVD. When the intermission came, people started to get up for the necessary relief. But, the movie went straight to the entr'acte blank screen, which convinced some folks that there was a problem in the projection booth. Nevertheless, the whole intermission lasted 38 seconds, just enough time to pee into the AFI sippy cup of the person next to you.

It is a magnificent movie that was the centerpiece of a fun evening out. We got a great commerorative book saluting the AFI's 40 years and it included a bizarre picture of a cadaverous Bob Cummings out to a Hollywood dinner in 1987 which might have been taken two years after he died. On our exit out, we walked the red carpet. Access Hollywood had gone home, but the bright lights were still up. When you look directly into them, it's a very cheap form of Lasix surgery. At the end of the red carpet, I looked down. There was no Target logo. But, I am betting you can get it for $4.99 a square yard this Saturday at a conveniently located store near you. Tell them Julie Andrews sent you.

Dinner last night: Dodger Dogs (yes, you can buy them in the supermarket) and pickled beet salad.