C'est Mercredi!

On parle commedie ici, s'il-vous-plait.

---Except for Michael Phelps and swimming, I could give a Chinaman's ass about the Olympics. It was particularly de-lish that America won that swimming relay against the scummy French.

---The Parisians came in a close second and since when do they put up a good fight?

---Great idea for an Olympic scavenger hunt: Looking for a can of Right Guard in the French locker room.

---What the hell do we need the French for? Oh, yeah, pastries.

---I will never ever see Paris and I'm good to go with that.

---I watched the Opening Ceremony last Friday and it was a terrific way to get to sleep early. The whole thing looked like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - The Musical."

---I saw lots of little Chinese girls dancing with scarves and I wondered how they got past the chopping block.

---After all, doesn't China have a history of taking their girl babies and....oh, never mind.

---I was a little confused watching George Bush at the opening. Isn't Obama already the President overseas?

---And I'm still catching up on the news. What's this about Russia invading Georgia? How the heck did they get past Tennessee??

---Talk about Russian invasions. They took over the Fairfax district in Los Angeles years ago.

---You walk around that neighborhood and you literally will see 80 year-old women pulling wagons into Whole Foods.

---Where they will proceed to tie up all the checkout lines by trying to pay for their yogurt with rubles.

---Mister Gorbachev, put that damn wall back up!

---John Edwards, we have the final tally on your political career. Congratulations, it's over!

---Years from now, we'll know that's really his kid when the boy grows up and starts to obsess over hair products.

---Just how sick does a wife have to be for John Edwards to support her?

---No one should be surprised about what a scumbag this guy is. After all, he spent years as an ambulance-chasing attorney and would sue hospitals on the premise that cerebral palsy is caused by inexperienced nurses.

---If the press had reported this a year ago like they should have, just how behind would Hillary be? My guess is that she wins the nomination with little Johnny's votes.

---And then the only way Obama goes on a European tour is via his own travel agent.

---By the way, if we can't say the word anymore, how come I saw a TV ad last night for the United Negro College Fund?

---Barack Obama once called him the most promising young politician in the country.

---He was talking about Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

---Now in jail on a myriad of charges.

---Any comparisons between the two are purely coincidental.

---Ha.

---My writing partner brought up this random thought: Cy Young never got to win the Cy Young Award.

---Which reminds me of the other nagging question: If Tommy John has to have arm surgery again, just what do they call it now?

---Speaking of arm surgery, when do the Mets get to have their bullpen removed?

---When those guys come into a game, it's like the Tet Offensive all over again.

---If you are down four or more runs to the Mets in the seventh inning, hang in there. You probably win the game.

---Will Mr. and Mrs. Heilman please come and pick up your son Aaron? He's incredibly lost.

---I understand that the Dodgers' Andruw Jones is working the night shift down at Pink's on La Brea. Which will explain why most of the hot dogs are not landing in the buns.

---Manny Mania continues in LA as the Dodgers are now selling bandanas with fake dreadlocks attached. So, I guess that means they figured out what to do with all those used floor mops.

Au revoir. A bientot.

Dinner last night: The wonderful dinner buffet table at the Dodger Stadium Club.