From the Hollywood Squares of my youth...
Peter Marshall: According to beauty experts, when putting on your makeup, if you use a dark foundation directly below your jawbone, and blend it from ear to ear, it will help hide something. What?
Paul Lynde: Well, can you tell I'm wearing pearls?
Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can't have kids?
Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.
Paul Lynde: No, but I'd be surprised to find some meat.
Peter Marshall: You have a bunch of unwanted hair. According to Dr. Thotusen, what is most often the cause of unwanted hair? A bunch of it?
Paul Lynde: Running over a llama.
Peter Marshall: Lawrence Welk says that as a teenager, he promised his father he would work hard on their farm for four years, his Daddy would loan him the money to buy something few boys ever get. What?
Paul Lynde: Oh, a champagne lady.
Peter Marshall: Something happened to Marlon Brando in 1955, and afterward he told friends he thought it would happen to Bing Crosby instead. What happened? Paul Lynde: Oh, one of Bing's sons asked him for money.
Peter Marshall: True or false, in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?
Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.
Peter Marshall: A woman named Jane Grey has a place of history because of something she did for 10 consecutive days that few women have ever done. What did she do? Jane Grey?
Paul Lynde: Wasn't she married to Eddie Fisher?
Peter Marshall: True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children?
Paul Lynde: From ONE midnight ride?!
Peter Marshall: Is there anything an elephant loves more than a big bag of peanuts?
Paul Lynde: The love scenes in Dumbo.
Peter Marshall: In baseball, there's a special name for the area between a player's knees and his armpits.
Paul Lynde: Aren't you glad? Aren't you glad?! AREN'T YOU GLAD...he used Dial?
Peter Marshall: Your date has had a great shock, and then fainted. According to experts, you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?
Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.
Peter Marshall: Liberace has a new book out called "The Things I..."?
Paul Lynde: Put in my hair.
Peter Marshall: Your rooster has been fixed so that he no longer has romantic interest in hens. What is the proper word for him now?
Paul Lynde: Suicidal.
Peter Marshall: According to the Women's International Bowling Congress, are there any women 80 years old who still bowl regularly?
Paul Lynde: Yes, but that's all they do regularly.
Peter Marshall; Paul, how do we know the first Union flag was sewn by Betsy Ross? Paul Lynde (In a deep overly serious voice, singing popular TV jingle of the time): You look for, the Union Label, when you buy...
Peter Marshall: True or false, Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?
Paul Lynde: It's a pity that she couldn't make it in show business.
Peter Marshall: According to Parade Magazine, almost half of the dogs in the United states have a common problem, and it affects a lot of people too. What? Paul Lynde: Water on the knee.
Peter Marshall: According to Good Housekeeping Magazine, Lucille Ball was 40 years old before she had her first what?
Paul Lynde: Red hair.
Peter Marshall: Prehistoric man had two uses for sheep. One was for food. What was the other?
Paul Lynde: Conversation.
Peter Marshall: True or false, many of our highways and railroads were built directly on the trails left by bison?
Paul Lynde: So that's why the roads are so bumpy.
Peter Marshall: When is it a good idea to put your pantyhose in the microwave oven for two minutes?
Paul Lynde: When your house is surrounded by the police.
Peter Marshall: Paul, Everyone knows the first verse: (singing) What shall we do with the drunken sailor What shall we do with the drunken sailor What shall we do with the drunken sailor, so early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse?
Paul Lynde: Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor, so early in the morning ...
Peter Marshall: In what Dickens classic, Paul, will you find the phrase "You may find us rough, sir, but you'll find us ready"?
Paul Lynde: Oh, "Little Women."
Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep's sheep leave behind them?
Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!
Peter Marshall: Who never rises for the bride and groom?
Paul Lynde: Ironside.
Peter Marshall: Paul, the state flag of Alabama is all white with one very distinctive feature. What is it?
Paul Lynde: Eye holes!
Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it's difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?
Paul Lynde: He's digging a tunnel.
Peter Marshall: What is the name of the song that is played when the President of the United States walks into a room?
Paul Lynde: "Send in the Clowns."
Peter Marshall: Paul, what landed "I know not where?"
Paul Lynde: Amelia Earhart.
Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?
Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?
Peter Marshall : Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?
Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.
Peter Marshall: Who was known as "Old Blood and Guts"?
Paul Lynde: Barbara Stanwyck.
Peter Marshall: Paul, is it true that lightning once fused a man’s zipper shut?
Paul Lynde: Yes, it was God’s way telling him to slow down.
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the Mister Yuk sticker meant to be put on?
Paul Lynde: Oh, motel bedspreads.
Peter Marshall: Paul, what is the name of the small musical intrument shaped like a triangle?
Paul Lynde: Connie Stevens.
Peter Marshall: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?
Paul Lynde: Joan Crawford’s eyebrows.
Dinner last night: The Pre-Dodger and Pre-Manny French Dip at Philippe's.
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