For Bernie and Isaac

Here's where I do my part for racial unity. I dedicate today's entry to Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, who both got the eternal shaft last weekend. In their honor,

"Yo mama's so poor that..."

Yo mama's so poor, when I rang the doorbell she leaned out the window and said "DING!"

Yo mama's so poor, the mat on her front porch says "Wel."

Yo mama's so poor, I saw her doing headspins on a Cheerios box in front of Goodwill for a piece of Wonder bread.

Yo mama's so poor, she's got more furniture on her porch than in her house.

Yo mama's so poor, she has to wear her McDonald's uniform to church.

Yo mama's so poor, she has to do drive-by shootings on the bus.

Yo mama's so poor, I asked her what's for dinner and she pulled out a gun and said "Next one who moves!"

Yo mama's so poor, when I was taking family portraits for you and said "Cheese!" she went looking for the line.

Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Ain't you ever seen a mobile home?"

Yo mama's so poor, I saw her wrestling a squirrel for a peanut.

Yo mama's so poor, the closest thing to a car she has is a low-rider shopping cart with a box on it.

Yo mama's so poor, she can't even put her two cents in this conversation.

Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "Hey miss, lost a shoe?" she said "Nope, just found one!"

Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama's so poor, her BOSS pants are unemployed.

Yo mama's so poor, I lit a match in her house and the roaches started singing "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord 'cause we got heat!"

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, two roaches tripped me and a rat stole my wallet.

Yo mama's so poor, I went to her house and tore down some cob webs, and she said "Who's tearing down the drapes?"

Yo mama's so poor, the bank repossesed her cardboard box.

Yo mama's so poor, she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

Yo mama's so poor, she sits on the corner with a bunch of roaches singin' "We are family!"

Yo mama's so poor, when I saw her rolling some trash cans around in an alley, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Remodeling."

Yo mama's so poor, I threw a rock at a trash can and she popped out and said "Who knocked?"

Yo mama's so poor, I saw her shaking a can around and asked her what she was doing and she said "Redecorating."

Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and saw 3 beans on the table, I took one and she said "Don't be greedy."

Yo mama's so poor, I came over for dinner and she read me recipes.

Yo mama's so poor, she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama's so poor, she has to take the trash IN.

Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard.

Yo mama's so poor, her front and back doors are on the same hinge.

Yo mama's so poor, I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

Yo mama's so poor, her doormat doesn't say "Welcome," it says "Welfare."

Yo mama's so poor, when I stepped on her doormat she said "Hey, you can't go upstairs."

Yo mama's so poor, I stepped on her skateboard and she said "Hey, get off the car!"

Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and saw a bunch of cockroaches sittin' around the toilet singin' "We are family!"

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and stepped on a cigarette butt and she said, "Hey, who turned off the heater?"

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house and swatted a firefly and Yo Mama said, "Who turned off the lights?"

Yo mama's so poor, I went into her house and flushed a cockroach down the toilet and she said, "Hey, where'd Grandma go?"

Yo mama's so poor, when I went to use her bathroom, I saw a roach sitting on a Pepsi can talkin' `bout "Wait your turn!"

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she gave me two sticks. I asked her what the sticks were for and she said "One's to hold up the ceiling, the other is to fight off the roaches."

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "3rd tree to your right."

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she handed me a shovel and said "May the force be with you."

Yo mama's so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "Two buckets to your left."

Yo mama's so poor, she watches TV on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Yo mama's so poor, your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.

Yo mama's so poor, they put her picture on food stamps.

Yo mama's so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

Yo mama's so poor, when she heard about the last supper, she thought she ran out of food stamps.

Yo mama's so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

Yo mama's so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.

Yo mama's so poor, when I went over to her house for dinner and grabbed a paper plate, she said "Don't use the good china!"

Yo mama's so poor, she married young just to get the rice!

Yo mama's so poor, burglars break in and leave money.

Yo mama's so poor, people rob her house for practice.

Yo mama's so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama's so poor, she got arrested for breaking the gum-ball machine because it didn't take food stamps.

Yo mama’s so poor, I walked into her house, asked what was for dinner, so she lit my pockets on fire and said "Hot Pockets."

Yo mama's so poor, when I sat on the couch a roach said "Get the hell off! I pay rent."

Yo mama's so poor, when I asked what was for dinner, she pulled her shoelaces off and said "Spaghetti."

Yo mama's so poor, after I pissed in your yard, she thanked me for watering the lawn.

Yo mama's so poor, even the Republicans were willing to give her welfare.

Yo mama's so po, she can't even afford the last two letters.

Dinner last night: The Friday pre-game French Dip at Philippe's.