Your October 2008 Weekend Movie Guide

Well, I am guessing that Sabu won't be playing on your local screen this weekend. But somebody else might be. And, in an odd twist of fate, the movie might be worth seeing. Or probably not. Here's my monthly service to you refreshed anew. My eyes scurry through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and I give you my gut reaction to the dreck out there. Godspeed to us all. Given the crappy economy, we all need to be a bit more cost-efficient when it comes to spending that entertainment dollar.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua: Hopefully this becomes Studio City Road Kill very soon.

Rachel Getting Married: Does she have to? Anne Hathaway as a pain-in-the-neck relative as a family gathering. And who doesn't know one of those??

Nights in Rodanthe: Richard Gere, Diane Lane, and probably Not Me.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist: This got pretty decent reviews and I do like Michael Cera's work. But, I have been burned by solid reviews of movies with an 18-24 age focus. Besides, I have a bunch of Thin Man movies in my Netflix queue.

Flash of Genius: If you would go see paint dry, you will definitely love, love, love this flick about the guy who invented the intermittent windshield wiper. My flash of genius will be to not see this.

Appaloosa: In Vermonts, the apples are looser. A western starring director Ed Harris. I think I'll mosey in the other direction.

Eagle Eye: Starring Shia LaBoeuf and, if his vision is that good, why all the auto accidents?

The Duchess: I abdicate.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Why see this movie? I do it every day on this blog.

Choke: One more look at the New York Mets bullpen.

Blindness: Perhaps one last look at the New York Mets bullpen.

Ghost Town: I mistakenly saw this as a time killer and it turned out to be a time waster. Actually, this is perhaps one of the five worst movies I ever have seen. There was almost a mid-film walkout, but I wanted to finish my soda. I do not understand Ricky Gervais and why somebody thought he could carry a film.

Burn After Reading: I also saw this Coen Brothers latest production and enjoyed it despite all the strange quirkiness. Fun, but an acquired taste.

Miracle at St. Anna: Spike Lee tells us all about how Black soldiers got a raw deal during World War II. Last time I looked, Japanese bombers at Pearl Harbor did not adhere to a color-coded chart. One more Black dude crying racism while he sits in premium courtside seats at Madison Square Garden.

Blindness: Julianne Moore is the only one left in the world with eyesight. So, now we can add Lenscrafters to the list of stores closing.

W: Opening on Tuesday. Lunatic director Oliver Stone adds another President to his list of skewered and misguided films. This will be as subtle as leprosy. Given Stone's penchant for stretching the semi-truth, I wouldn't be surprised if they have George W. snacking on fried chicken behind a pile of boxes near a window on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. Word of advice: if you find yourself sitting anywhere near Keith Olbermann, bring along some Handi-wipes

Rocknrolla: Fatachanca.

Body of Lies: Leonardo DiCaprio. Russell Crowe. Ridley Scott. Maybe Me. Maybe Not.

Religulous: A documentary by Bill Maher on religion in America. After years of avoiding him on television, I now get the honor of doing the same on the big screen. A miserable creep with no redeeming values or talent.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona: Still hanging around. Woody Allen moves to Spain. At some point, he will run out of countries.

City of Ember: The ad says that "Fans of the Chronicles of Narnia will love it." Which means this writer will avoid it.

The Express: A biography of Ernie Davis, the first winner of the Heisman Trophy. But, still, it's one more sports picture where somebody wins against all odds and that has gotten incredible dull to me. Won't anybody make "The Aaron Heilman Story?"

Quarantine: Some infectious disease traps people in their apartment building. Another great way for people to miss their mortgage payments.

Sex Drive: Aimed at the 15 to 17 year-old audience. When I was that age, I wasn't even driving a car, let alone...

Lakeview Terrace: Samuel L. Jackson terrorizes his neighbors. This must be a documentary.

An American Carol: A rarity for Hollywood. A comedy with a conservative perspective that skewers such liberal assholes as Rosie O'Donnell and Michael Moore. Probably a mess, but they get props from me from trying.

Good Dick: I don't want to know.

A Secret: A French movie that I actually saw. Quite good. A Jewish family hides some secrets about the Nazi occupation of France. The way the scummy French caved in there is no secret.

Happy Go Lucky: "Secrets and Lies" director Mike Leigh lets a bunch of actors improvise for another two hours. And, somehow, the results are always captivating. I have no clue what this is about, but it's probably more inventive than any of the movies listed above.

Dinner last night: Cervelat on an onion roll.