Tuesday in the Air, Wednesday on the Ground

Snarkiness from 35,000 feet and then some...

---The woman sitting behind me was on her cell phone prior to takeoff. Talking to somebody named "Sparkle."

---??? And, if you're wondering, she was White.

---There's a big sign over the toilet. "Don't throw anything in." Now, tell me how many times you've seen something shoved down the hole.

---Remember when flight attendants were young and attractive. Every one of them on this plane are over 50 and look it.

---Snowcaps all across the country. Thank God for Los Angeles weather.

---"Ghost Town" is playing and I am not watching. Saw it already and another viewing may blind me.

---Some Asian chick has been in the bathroom now for 15 minutes. She better be coming out in full Kabuki make-up or people will be pissed.

---Maybe she's trying to retrieve something she THREW IN THE TOILET.

---On the last three flights I have taken, they keep running the same episode of "New Adventures of Old Christine." Which, of course, means it is no longer a new adventure to me.

---The woman behind me just asked me if I was a writer.

---My response: "Why? Are you an agent?"

---Back on Earth and driving over the Whitestone Bridge, I hear a traffic report about an overturned mail truck on the Major Deegan. Christmas cards are strewn all over.

---So, if you're wondering why you didn't get your Macy's $25 gift card from Aunt Martha, you might want to check the sewers around Fordham Road.

---Barbra Big Nose got her Kennedy Center honor Sunday night and wished she had received it from the President a year from now.

---Okay, we got it. You don't like Bush. But, frankly, you probably wouldn't be in the running next year.

---2009 Kennedy Center Honoree, Mo'Nique.

---I love Babs' big liberal ideas that help the common man, but her Malibu walls shielding her from the great unwashed public are bigger than anybody else's.

---If she's so smart, how come her husband is so stupid?

---Here's something you'll never hear: Nobel Prize winner for science, Mr. James Brolin.

---Barry Obama's doing these Saturday morning talks now and they have him sitting Presidentially in front of what might have been the West Wing set at Warner Brothers.

---He said two very stupid things over the weekend and they got no press. First off, he yakked about the bomb that hit Pearl Harbor.

---A bomb??? How about multiple bombs, torpedos, machine gun fire from airplanes?

---Jeez, it's your home state, goofball.

---Then, he droned about how far behind the US is in broadband technology. Because, as Barry added, he wants every child in America to have access to the internet.

---Huh??????

---I thought the goal was to keep kids off the damn computer.

---Of course, there'll be plenty of hand wringing down the road when your child is chatting on-line with "AnalLover675."

---And what's this we hear? The Illinois Governor put up Obama's Senate seat for sale on E-Bay?

---Just goes to prove one more time that politicians around Chicago are the most crooked anywhere.

---Caroline Kennedy might replace Hillary in the Senate seat from NY. I've always liked her because she kept herself removed from the political limelight. Now, she winds up just like everybody else.

---Her credibility is now available on E-Bay, too.

---I'm a little confused with the jet travel. Jay Leno is joining the cast of "Law and Order?"

---Christmas Mystery Department: when I was a kid, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" was 30 minutes long. ABC ran it on Monday night and it was on for an hour.

---Like they found all this new footage in Charles Schultz' basement?

---You think there was a lot of commercials in that sucker or what?

Off I go to see some more dumb tourists.

Dinner last night: Sausage and peppers with side salad.