You Have the Right to Remain Wednesday

I might need a lawyer myself when I'm done with this.

---Mayhem in the streets. Screaming crowds. Burning in effigy. More mayhem as a result of Achmed Imadinnerjacket. A reaction to elections in Teheran?

---Nope, the Lakers won the NBA Finals.

---Why does this always happen when basketball is done for the season? Every year, regardless of the city, people go nuts.

---Detroit, Los Angeles, whatever. Look at the pictures and then tell me the most common denominator.

---"The Lakers won! I need to go out and get me a new TV. From the broken window at Best Buy."

---Puh-leze!

---Let's not forget that the Penguins won hockey's Stanley Cup this weekend as well.

---The two fans went outside to celebrate by spliting a Diet Coke.

---Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has written a children's book.

---"The Hardy Boys Smoke a Doobie."

---Or "Henry Higgins and the Amazing Bong."

---"How the Grinch Stole Narcotics."

---This may be the first time ever that an author's reading level is lower than the audience he is writing for.

---An amazing athlete. And an even more fascinating door knob.

---Puh-leze!

---Great rhetorical question from fellow blogger and Dodger Talk host Ken Levine: When Arnold Palmer orders an iced tea with lemonade, does he simply say, "I'll have a me?"

---From the Lack of Baseball Historical Perspective Department: a youngster actually asked if Tommy John was the doctor who did all those arm surgeries.

---Audible scream!

---Is Universal Healthcare going to be part of the studio tour?

---One, two, three, four...that one takes a while.

---So, let me see if I got this right. Millions of new people will get free health care and there will be no new doctors or nurses? And everything will be just as it is now??

---Puh-leze!!! Audible scream!!!

---If I live to be 75, I'll be dead by then.

---Is there a way to order MRIs a year or two in advance just in case?

---By the way, does MRI stand for "Maybe Really Injured?"

---I envision a day where people will make appointments to see a specialist and then scalp them on eBay.

---Or maybe those assholes who scalp tickets on the hill by Dodger Stadium will start camping out in front of Cedars of Lebanon Hospital.

---"I got your X-rays, I got your colonoscopies, I got your chemo. Check it out."

---Hypothetical conversation between doctor and patient: "Who ordered you to have back surgery?"

---"Vinny, the guy downstairs at the gas station."

---We're going to have to plan our life threatening illnesses in advance. Like a vacation to Hawaii.

---Of course, none of this will result in new taxes.

---PUH-LEZE!!

---It took just two weeks for Conan O'Brien to completely blow the ratings lead that Jay Leno had built over David Letterman.

---Of course, it helps that Letterman is on the air promoting sex between Alex Rodriguez and a 14-year-old yokel from Alaska.

---Pot, kettle, black. And how long did it take Letterman to marry the mother of his child? Rumor has it the kid was the one who officiated at the ceremony.

---Read on-line Michelle Obama's tips on how single women can catch a husband. Nowhere in the article did I see the words "ankles wrapped around your ears."

---The media is so infatuated with these two clowns that I'm waiting for CBS News to interrupt programming with a "White House booty call."

---"This just in." So to speak.

Dinner last night: BBQ Chicken sandwich at Islands.

And tomorrow from New York!!!