Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Abbott and Costello Meet Wednesday


Who's on first? What's on second? GM just struck out.

---If the United States citizens now own 60 percent of General Motors, I want to know which tire belongs to me.

---I am very proud of my tire. I really hope it's an all weather radial.

---So when do we get to see Michelle Urkel in the grease pit?

---Fantasy phone conversation: "Hello, this is the White House? How may I direct your call?"

---"Parts and Service, please."

---About that $24,000 Saturday night date in NY, I offer this advice to POTUS and FLOTUS: next time, don't use a midtown parking garage.

---If that evening out for the Urkels cost so much, I hope he got some when they got home.

---But, realistically, we're the ones who got fucked.

---Rumor has it that Saturday night at the Bidens was a game of Scrabble.

---And they're probably still in the first round.

---"Joe, you spell "dog" with a "g."

---For a while, that French airline disappearance sounded suspiciously like an ABC promotion for "Lost."

---Who are Jon and Kate and what the hell do they have eight of?

---And why do I care?

---I'm a white guy and, with my life experience, I think I can do a better job being nasty on this blog than a Latina woman.

---Since when did growing up in the Bronx become so chic?

---Ride the IRT 2 Train past the Simpson Street stop at midnight and then tell me how great it is down there.

---The new prospective Supreme Court Justice went randomly knocking on doors around the Senate yesterday. And now I'm wondering if some goofy Senator responded by saying, 'That's okay. My trash can isn't full yet."

---In his entire 17 years as Tonight Show host, I think I watched about ten minutes of Jay Leno.

---Is it me or did Jay's departure not get the same attention as when Johnny hung it up?

---Now the show is turned over to some guy who looks like a priest at St. Brendan's and I will watch even less.

---Meanwhile, Leno moves to 10PM in the fall and who wants to watch a late night talk show before they have brushed their teeth?

---That primetime hour should be reserved for sheer light entertainment. One of those Law and Orders where somebody is brutally murdered.

---One bad thing about the Dodgers' success this year? They'll show up a lot on ESPN with those two idiots, Jon Miller and Joe Morgan.

---Watching the game last Sunday night was sort of like trying to get through college calculus all over again.

---Why does it take Joe Morgan an hour to describe a curve ball?

---And Miller with his self-important pronunciation of names...Rafael FOUR-cal.

---Of course, with digital TV, you can no longer dump the TV audio in favor of the radio play-by-play. One or the other winds up being ten seconds behind.

---Where's Lindsey Nelson when you really need him?

---Still dead, I suppose.

Until Tomorrow, who happens to be our pitcher today.

Dinner last night: Pot roast, mashed potatoes, and carrots.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't knock the Bronx. That's my job. Mount Vernon and Yonkers? OK?

Len said...

Hey, my family was from the Bronx and moved to Westchester. Perhaps the last white people to do so. All the junk that was in the Bronx is now in Mt. Vernon and Yonkers.

Anonymous said...

But you're from Westchester. Djinn and I, Bibster, et al, are certified Bronx bashers.

Anonymous said...

Ever go to a Tonight Show taping and get guest host Jay Leno instead? Carson owned late night television for 30 years and had no announced plans. Leno will be getting more visibility so its tough to get teary eyed about the changing of the guard.
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