Wednesdays Are Contagious

Do you take this carrier of swine flu as your lawful, wedded...?

---That's a bad break. You spend months planning your wedding and then there's a swine flu pandemic. They don't tell you about that in "Modern Bride."

---Well, I'm guessing these two are worried about disease spreading. Or it could simply be a best man with lousy hygiene.

---Gee, the bride's a lot prettier this way.

---Writing this from 35,000 feet and I can tell you that America doesn't look so stupid from this altitude.

---Except, of course, some of them are around me.

---It's not even an hour into the flight and already there are paper towels thrown into the toilet.

---Just below the sign that says "Do not throw paper towels into toilet."

---American Airline business class does make it all easier. The best thing they do, food-wise, is the antipasto cold plate for lunch.

---And, of course, the warm chocolate chip cookie and milk just before landing.

---But there are slobs up here, too. The dumbbell across the row just threw his butter on the floor. And then stepped in it an hour later when he went to the bathroom.

---Without his shoes on.

---The guy sitting next to me was trying to use a video camera on his computer. Over and over and over for twenty minutes, it was...

---"Hi, William, can you hear me? William, are you there? Can you hear?"

---William is still MIA.

---Dial flipping on a rainy Sunday in NY, I came across a commercial for Cialis, one of those erectile dysfunction pills.

---Okay, the on-screen warning shows you all the medical conditions that you can't take this with.

---One of them is HIV Positive.

---Huh? Hello, McFly, anybody there?

---If you're HIV Positive, what the hell are you doing swapping body fluids with anybody???

---The ad should say, "If you're HIV Positive, stay the hell away from anybody's body parts, except your own."

---With the push for equality, I'm waiting to see one of these commercials with two men scampering down the hall to the bedroom.

---What a lucrative business model for Cialis. They could sell twice as many pills.

---At what point does the fawning press and media tell us that Obama is taking this stuff? And we get to watch the FLOTUS hanging by her ankles from a ceiling fan in the Lincoln Bedroom.

---On the TV screen of my mind, I can see this image.

---Dial flipping some more, I ran into a NY State Lottery commercial with the announcer from Jeopardy and Ed McMahon sitting in a diner. I note that Ed looks ready to croak.

---Bingo, we have a winner. Please come forward to claim your prize.

---Ed was in his eighties. So I guess that means lots of liquor and Budweiser doesn't automatically kill you.

---Hi ho!!!!!

---And William is still MIA.

Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich back in LA.