1095: POPE URBAN II APPOINTS BISHOP ADHEMAR OF LE PUY AND COUNT RAYMOND IV OF TOULOUSE TO LEAD THE FIRST CRUSADE TO THE HOLY LAND.
Pope Urban? Could there also possibly be a Pope Ghetto?
1520: AFTER NAVIGATING THROUGH A STRAIT AT THE SOUTHERN END OF SOUTH AMERICA, THREE SHIPS UNDER THE COMMAND OF EXPLORER FERDINAND MAGELLAN REACH THE PACIFIC OCEAN, BECOMING THE FIRST EUROPEANS TO SAIL FROM THE ATLANTIC OCEAN TO THE PACIFIC.
And the very first explorers to have a GPS device named after them.
1582: IN STRATFORD-UPON-AVON, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE AND ANNE HATHAWAY PAY A BOND FOR THEIR MARRIAGE LICENSE.
I'm not sure, but I think this may not be the same Anne Hathaway that was in the Princess Diaries.
1729: NATCHEZ INDIANS MASSACRE 138 FRENCHMEN, 35 FRENCH WOMEN, AND 56 CHILDREN AT FORT ROSOLIE.
For consistency's sake, let's assume the children were French, too.
1814: THE LONDON TIMES IS FOR THE FIRST TIME PRINTED BY AUTOMATIC, STEAM POWERED PRESSES, SIGNALING THE BEGINNING OF THE AVAILABILITY OF NEWSPAPERS TO A MASS AUDIENCE.
Today, newspapers are still available. Except there is no longer a mass audience.
1843: THE KINGDOM OF HAWAII IS OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED BY THE UNITED KINGDOM AND FRANCE AS AN INDEPENDENT NATION.
First you recognize. Then you go there on vacation.
1893: WOMEN VOTE IN A NATIONAL ELECTION FOR THE FIRST TIME DURING THE NEW ZEALAND GENERAL ELECTION.
Those New Zealanders sure are pioneers.
1895: THE FIRST AMERICAN AUTOMOBILE RACE TAKES PLACES OVER 54 MILES IN ILLINOIS AND THE WINNER COMES IN AT 10 HOURS.
That's five miles per hour. Just like my dad's old Buick.
1907: IN HAVERHILL, MASSACHUSETTS, SCRAP METAL DEALER LOUIS B. MAYER OPENS HIS FIRST MOVIE THEATER.
And most of what is playing these days at the movies is barely a cut above scrap metal.
1919: LADY ASTOR IS ELECTED AS A MEMBER OF THE PARLIAMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM. SHE IS THE FIRST WOMAN TO SIT IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.
But probably not the first one to clean the House of Commons.
1923: ACTRESS GLORIA GRAHAME IS BORN.
Love those crackers.
1925: THE GRAND OLE OPRY BEGINS BROADCASTING IN NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE.
Yee ha.
1933: ACTRESS HOPE LANGE IS BORN.
She died in 2003. So Mrs. Muir then became a ghost.
1942: IN BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, A FIRE IN THE COCOANUT GROVE NIGHTCLUB KILLS 491 PEOPLE.
Why you always look for the exit signs whenever you are in a public place.
1943: MUSICIAN RANDY NEWMAN IS BORN.
I put his picture up there and all. But I really don't have a good Randy Newman joke. Sorry.
1943: US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT, BRITISH PRIME MINISTER WINSTON CHURCHILL, AND SOVIET LEADER JOSEPH STALIN MEET IN TEHRAN TO DISCUSS WAR STRATEGY.
And complain about their respective wives.
1949: MUSICIAN PAUL SHAFFER IS BORN.
I prefer Doc Severinsen. And Rheingold.
1958: BASEBALL PLAYER DAVE RIGHETTI IS BORN.
I used to like the guy. Then he became A SF Giant coach, so I hated him. But then he got fired, so I like him again.
1959: ACTOR JUDD NELSON IS BORN.
The Breakfast Club opens for business.
1964: NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL MEMBERS AGREE TO RECOMMEND THAT US PRESIDENT LYNDON B. JOHNSON ADOPT A PLAN FOR ESCALATION OF BOMBING IN NORTH VIETNAM.
Yeah, that's a smart idea.
1972: THE LAST USE OF A GUILLOTINE IN FRANCE.
A head of the curve.
1976: ACTRESS ROSALIND RUSSELL DIES.
I'm no longer your Auntie Mame.
1983: ACTOR CHRISTOPHER GEORGE DIES.
He died young, but did sleep with Lynda Day George. There is a trade off.
1993: TV STAR GARRY MOORE DIES.
No longer a secret.
1994: SERIAL KILLER JEFFREY DAHMER DIES.
Rat bastard.
2010: ACTOR LESLIE NIELSEN DIES.
And don't call me dead.
Dinner last night: Steak, fries, and broccoli.
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