A Blizzard of Awkward

How long has that child been growing on your head?

 Dad was a real dummy.

Hey, our bands are on too tight!

 They're part family, part dust mops.

 Never have a community bath during a diarrhea outbreak.

 Cain and Abel go to Sears Portrait Studios.

 He doesn't have a tailor.  He has a gardener.

 I don't care how beautiful pregnancy can be.  This ain't a pretty sight.

 Perilously close to the business end of a dog's lunch.

 The January special on Match.com.

Dinner last night:  Scrambled egg whites and bacon.