Meanwhile, they've just changed the name of the place. From Grauman's Chinese to TCL Chinese...whoever the heck they are. Regardless of what they call it, the theater is a terrific place to see a movie. A true palace. The photo above is likely the world premiere there of "Hello Dolly." These days, the place usually features whatever is the latest action dreck dumped on the unsuspecting moviegoing public by the idiots in Hollywood.
And, speaking of cinematic junk, here's what is being unloaded this weekend at your local movie house. You know the drill by now. I'll sift through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my knee-jerk reaction to the crap out there. Good luck to all of us.
Gangster Squad: Los Angeles when it was run by gangs in the 30s and 40s. It's still run by gangs except now they don't speak English.
Not Fade Away: An incredibly slight story of the 60s in New Jersey by Sopranos creator David Chase. How do you take such a potentially interesting era and make it so uninteresting?
Silver Linings Playbook: Quirky but entertaining. Some say this is the dark horse for big Oscar wins this February.
Jack Reacher: Tom Cruise. Pass.
Les Miserables: I have yet to see it. I am waiting for that rare moment where I can't be anymore depressed than I am at that particular time. Met fans are already using the title to describe their team's 2013 prospects.
The Impossible: One family deals with the 2004 tsunami. Why anybody would want to spend their Christmas vacation on a third world beach continents away gets what they pay for?
Django Unchained: The D is silent. If only the director would learn to shut the hell up.
A Haunted House: How can you screw up comedic possibilities by putting Black people in a haunted house? Well, apparently, this movie did just that.
The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey: The really unexpected journey would be me actually going to a theater to see this.
Life of Pi: Who doesn't like Pi? Well, if you remember my review, I didn't.
Parental Guidance: It made zero money, but this Billy Crystal-Bette Midler comedy was quite pleasant and a terrific time waster. So, if you're like I was and need to bring your car to the dealership for servicing, this is the picture to see while you wait. But that should be the only reason to see it.
The Guilt Trip: Friends tell me this was the official 2012 Christmas film for Jews. You know, the movie they go to see on Christmas Eve after a dinner of Chinese food.
Promised Land: Go frack yourself.
Lincoln: Terrific acting. Less than terrific film editing. The movie that most closely resembles my freshman year American History class at Fordham University. My class eventually ended. This film does not.
This is 40: A big screen version of pancreatic cancer.
Zero Dark Thirty: I have a review coming next week. While you wait to read that, go see "Parental Guidance."
Texas Chainsaw 3D: When the killer gets around to California or New York, call me.
Rust and Bone: What was left of Sandy Koufax' elbow in 1966.
Amour: One friend told me that this Oscar-nominated movie from Austria is good but excruciating and depressing. The last two emotions are exactly how I feel watching any Judd Apatow film.
Mama: If you don't get enough of Jessica Chastain in "Zero Dark Thirty," you might want to see this horror film about an evil presence tormenting two young girls. On second thought, I did get enough of Jessica Chastain in "Zero Dark Thirty."
Officer Down: The 1,467th iteration on a dirty cop trying to redeem himself.
Brief Reunion: An entrepreneur has his life turned upside down by the appearance of a former classmate. Stifling a yawn as I type this.
Argo: The Ben Affleck thriller which proves that yes, there is at least one creative bone in Ben Affleck's body.
Hyde Park on Hudson: Face-slappingly dull. How do you manage with the usually compelling subject matter of Franklin Delano Roosevelt?
Broken City: Mark Wahlberg and Russell Crowe in a tale about political corruption in a major city. Likely set in either New York, Los Angeles, or Chicago. The good news is that I only have homes in two of them.
The Last Stand: The leader of a drug cartel busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexican border, where the only thing in his path is a sheriff and his inexperienced staff. This stars Arnold and Johnny Knoxville, two very good arguments against all those gun control rulings the President released this week.
Luv: An 11-year-old boy gets a crash course in what it means to be a man when he spends a day with the ex-convict uncle he idolizes. Major points off because the filmmakers obviously can't spell.
Let My People Go: At Passover, Reuben, a French-Jewish man living in Finland with his Nordic boyfriend, finds himself back in Paris with his zany family after a lovers' quarrel. Oy. You might want to let the audience leave as well.
56 Up: Director Michael Apted revisits the same group of British-born adults after a 7 year wait. The subjects are interviewed as to the changes that have occurred in their lives during the last seven years. This is the fifth or sixth look at the same people. I haven't seen any of the other movies so I'm way behind. Meanwhile, I once chatted with Apted on a plane all the way across the country without even knowing who he was.
The Rabbi's Cat: Set in Algeria in the 1920s, a rabbi's cat who learns how to speak after swallowing the family parrot expresses his desire to convert to Judaism. Just to be clear, this is a cartoon. And I had no idea that Sylvester was Jewish.
Beasts of the Southern Wild: Faced with both her hot-tempered father's fading health and melting ice-caps that flood her ramshackle bayou community and unleash ancient aurochs, six-year-old Hushpuppy must learn the ways of courage and love. The little kid in this is nine and now the youngest person to be nominated for Best Actress. I hear wildly mixed things about this. I have friends who loved, loved, loved it. I have friends who walked out in the middle. Me? I'll stay home and watch the Good Times marathon.
Quartet: At a home for retired opera singers, the annual concert to celebrate Verdi's birthday is disrupted by the arrival of Jean, an eternal diva and the former wife of one of the residents. Directed by Dustin Hoffman and starring Maggie Smith. So, with that pedigree, why am I not rushing out to buy tickets?
Dinner last night: Bacon and cheese omelet.
1 comment:
Walter Matthau's crack about his Dolly co-star?
"Barbra Streisand couldn't ad-lib a fart."
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