Moron of the Month - January 2013

There's a lot of ways we could go to select a very special Moron for the first month of 2013.  Heck, we would be bound to find one in the nation's capital where drama continues again as the country teetered on some imaginary cliff.  Indeed, if each and every politician in the land fell over it, I would shed no tears.  Every one of them a moron.

And, the sentiment is renewed this morning as I look at my first net income of the year and realize it is  lower than the last net income I had in 2012.  Our national leaders, damn you all.  

Morons, morons, morons.

My head is hurting.  I don't want to think about any of them at this moment.  And I certainly don't wish to ramble on about them in a blog piece today.

No, let's have our January Moron be as sublime and inane as possible.  And incredibly inconsequential.

That sounds like it could only be one person.

The Today Show's weatherman and resident asshole Al Roker.

Admittedly, calling somebody on a NBC News-like show an idiot is like saying water is wet.  I can remember the day when journalists on NBC were revered and professional.  Now, you could say NBC stands for "Nothing But Clowns."
Essentially, that's what their news division has turned into as Chet Huntley and David Brinkley do constant flips in their coffins.

Let's just look and who they have on the air.  Their centerpiece anchor Brian Williams.  He hosts their news show "Rock Center."  Fitting, because his head is full of them.  White House expert Andrea Mitchell?  She might as well be the receptionist down at the Democratic National Committee offices.  Face the facts.  Tim Russert's untimely departure ripped NBC News of their last morsel of credibility.

And then there's the mental menagerie called MSNBC.  Loaded with crackpots, frauds, and idiots.  Notice that I didn't say "journalist."  Rachel Madcow, the Morning Schmo, renowned alcoholic Chris Matthews, and alleged felon Al Sharpton.  Those are the people bringing you their unbiased opinions.  Indeed, their viewership base would provide me with enough monthly morons to last a lifetime.  

But I digress...

I remember when "The Today Show" had some real chops in the news business.  They set the bi-partisan tone for your day.  With respected folks like Frank McGee and Frank Blair telling you what you needed to know.

No more.

Somewhere along the line, this program became an entertainment vehicle.  With all the substance of an episode of "Beat the Clock."  And by opening it up to include the hayseed tourists that clutter the streets of Rockefeller Plaza every morning, they essentially turned "Today" into a street fair that looks like it was sponsored by the 99 Cent Store chain.  With screaming fans from Bumfuk, Iowa who think that fine dining in Manhattan is the Olive Garden that overlooks Times Square.

Of course, there's no bigger moron on the "Today Show" than its host Matt Lauer, who reminds me of the stupidest kid in my class all through grade school.  The last time Matt delivered any news, he was riding a bicycle.

But, of course, equally as empty is their meteorologist Al Roker.   He's been cluttering our lives for years and it's pure testimony that any jerk can become a media personality in a country as dumb as ours.

 Roker, ever the buffoon, has been the unknowingly throwback to the old movies of the 30s where the hero always had a Black stooge like Stepin Fetchit in tow.  Al's too stupid to even realize how he was being used.   Let's put him in the most ridiculous costume or position and let the laughs flow.  Or we can show him eating like a pig at a trough.

No world hunger problem at the Roker home.

Meanwhile, while the guy was shoveling it in, nobody in the audience took a moment to realize that they were watching a complete fool.  A national court jester.  Oh, sure, he gave you the weather.  But any moron can rip a national forecast off the wire service and tell you that it was going to snow in New York and be warm and sunny in Los Angeles.

But, worse than that, Roker started to take himself seriously over the years.  All of a sudden, he wanted us to believe that there was actually more than air in that balloon.  He goes in for gastric bypass surgery, drops a literal ton, and suddenly he's an expert on nutrition.  He becomes Michelle Obama without the wig.

Out comes a book on sensible eating.  Out comes a DVD on weight loss.  And he's in our face about what we eat.  

Come the fuck on.  Roker's "sensible" lifestyle had nothing to do with his own willpower or any actions on his part.  It was all thanks to some rich surgeon who got his valves so all the hot dogs, clams, and cannolis had no place to go.  Puh-leze. 

But in America, this now constitutes importance and celebrity.  I've lost multiple pounds several times in my life but nobody is looking to me for advice on a national basis.  And, frankly, I could probably do a better job of explaining a wind chill factor than Al Roker.

It gets worse.  Last week, Al went really over the top.  Or, in this case, out the bottom.

For some reason, he left the need to share with us, the unassuming and increasingly dumb television audience, of an unfortunate experience he had at the White House back in 2002.

He was on assignment because, apparently, cold weather fronts now start with the President as well.  Without warning, the recent gastric bypass surgery gave him a bit of gas.  So he did what most people do in the same circumstance.  You turn around, make sure nobody is nearby, and you try to do it silently.

Except this wasn't gas. 

And Al Roker let us know that he pooped his pants in the middle of the White House.

Al continued the annoying story.  He ducked into a men's room...in the White House....and took his underwear off, ditching them in the garbage.  That had to be a very special day for the White House custodian in charge.  Meanwhile, Roker continued on with his visit.  Going commando.

Eleven years later, Al Roker was compelled to tell us this tale.  And he seemingly was delighted to do so.  And then shocked when the story got lots of attention.

For Pete's sake, that's exactly what he was hoping.  Because when you're eternally devoid of any talent or credibility, the only thing you've got left is your own bowel movements.

But, in America these days, there is sadly no criterion for the phrase "too much information."

And just when you thought you had it all from this dope, take a look at the antics of an alleged "newsman" at this week's Presidential inauguration.
 
The Secret Service should have fired their guns when they had a good shot.
 
Dinner last night:  Steak and broccoli slaw.