If I Tweeted - January 2013

Even though I do have an account, I still don't tweet.  But, if I did, here's what you would have read this month.

#LenSpeaks  Happy new year to all my wonderful friends on the east coast.  May 2013 be filled with health, joy, laughter, and plenty of salt on your table in most NYC restaurants.

#LenSpeaks  Three hours later, happy new year to all my wonderful friends on the west coast.  May 2013 be filled with health, joy, laughter, and brand new earthquake kits.

#LenSpeaks  The Westchester Journal News printed the names of gun owners in Westchester and Rockland Counties.  Big deal.  That means absolutely nobody saw the list.

#LenSpeaks  Even canaries don't read the Journal News...and it's on the bottom of most bird cages.

#LenSpeaks  So it's not okay to have a gun but it's fine if you want to go see any movie directed by Quentin Tarantino??

#LenSpeaks  Saw Denzel Washington at the Golden Globes and he's just three liver spots away from being Morgan Freeman.

#LenSpeaks  Denzel took his daughter to the Globes.  Which means every white woman in Hollywood already had a date.

#LenSpeaks  Has anybody ever really read anything published by the Hollywood Foreign Press?

#LenSpeaks  There is no better weekly hour on television than when "Downton Abbey" is on the air.

#LenSpeaks  "Downton Abbey" spoiler alert for those not in the know:  the show is set in England.

#LenSpeaks  January 2013 is the month for things I really don't care about it.  Like that Hawaiian football player who thought his girlfriend was dead. 

#LenSpeaks  Big deal.  I've had a couple of girlfriends that I wished were dead.

#LenSpeaks  Come on, folks.  Just look at that kid and you know he had major problems with long division.

#LenSpeaks  It's Saturday and I am baking another cake.  Suddenly I have turned into my grandmother.  Except I don't feel like I need a nap afterwards.

#LenSpeaks  No, wait, here it comes....ZZZZZZZZ.

#LenSpeaks  Sorry to hear about the passing of Stan Musial.  The Mets were counting on him for left field this season.

#LenSpeaks  Sorry to hear about the passing of Conrad Bain.  The Mets were counting on him to be their new general manager.

#LenSpeaks  Meanwhile, if you want to buy tickets to the All Star Game at Citi Field, they make you choke down tickets to the home run derby and the celebrity softball game.  No thanks.

#LenSpeaks  Unless, of course, there's a guarantee that Donny Most will be playing for one of the celebrity teams. 

#LenSpeaks  Need to decide what to do with a day off.  What will be more uplifting?  The Presidential inauguration or "Les Miserables?"

#LenSpeaks  That's an easy choice.  Hello, Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway.

#LenSpeaks  I love those idiots who get all impassioned about a President who pledges bipartisanship.  Easy to say when it's your party in the White House.

#LenSpeaks  People who actually think bipartisanship can exist in America also think that Obama is a champion of the common man.

#LenSpeaks  What???  That's a wig on Michelle Obama???  Go on!!!

#LenSpeaks  Barack Obama is six liver spots away from being Morgan Freeman.

#LenSpeaks  I don't care that Beyonce lipsynched her song at the inauguration.  As if the President didn't have help with his speech???

#LenSpeaks  Is it me or are those hair extensions on one of the Obama kids??

#LenSpeaks  Those girls are two hundred liver spots from being Maya Angelou.

#LenSpeaks  So, on Saturday night,"Argo" wins the PGA Award and then the next night, they win the SAG Ensemble Cast award.  I smell a Best Picture Oscar.

#LenSpeaks So, er, not so fast, Mr. Spielberg.

Dinner last night:  Chicken apple sausage and red cabbage.