1479 BC: THUTMOSE III ASCENDS TO THE THRONE OF EGYPT, ALTHOUGH POWER EFFECTIVELY SHIFTS TO HATSHEPSUT.
Is it me or do these sound like cartoon characters?
1184 BC: TRADITIONAL DATE FOR THE FALL OF TROY.
And the untraditional date is?
1342: POPE BENEDICT XII DIES.
Dies. This one didn't quit.
1558: MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS, MARRIES THE DAUPHIN OF FRANCE, FRANCOIS, AT NOTRE DAME DE PARIS.
She married Flipper??? Oh, wait, I read that wrong.
1704: THE FIRST REGULAR NEWSPAPER IN THE UNITED STATES, THE NEWS-LETTER, IS PUBLISHED IN BOSTON.
And immediately trashed the Red Sox.
1800: THE UNITED STATES LIBRARY OF CONGRESS IS ESTABLISHED WHEN PRESIDENT JOHN ADAMS SIGNS LEGISLATION TO APPROPRIATE $5,000 TO PURCHASE BOOKS.
So what else would you put in a library? Hammers?
1885: SHARPSHOOTER ANNIE OAKLEY WAS HIRED BY NATE SALSBURY TO BE A PART OF BUFFALO BILL'S WILD WEST SHOW.
You can't get a woman without a gun.
1907: HERSHEYPARK, FOUNDED BY MILTON S. HERSHEY FOR THE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS EMPLOYEES, IS OPENED.
Until he figured out how much dough he could make by going outside the company.
1913: THE WOOLWORTH SKYSCRAPER IN NEW YORK CITY IS OPENED.
They nickeled and dimed the construction costs.
1914: MOVIE PRODUCER WILLIAM CASTLE IS BORN.
Scream. Scream as loud as you can!!!
1914: COOK JUSTIN WILSON IS BORN.
I guarantee.
1915: THE ARREST OF 250 ARMENIAN INTELLECTUALS AND COMMUNITY LEADERS IN ISTANBUL MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE ARMENIAN GENOCIDE.
There goes Glendale, California.
1916: ERNEST SHACKLETON AND FIVE MEN OF THE IMPERIAL TRANS-ANTARCTIC EXPEDITION LAUNCH A LIFEBOAT FROM UNINHABITED ELEPHANT ISLAND IN THE SOUTHERN OCEAN TO ORGANIZE A RESCUE FOR THE ICE-TRAPPED SHIP ENDURANCE.
Long historical sentences like that don't necessarily prompt a funny joke.
1926: THE TREATY OF BERLIN IS SIGNED. GERMANY AND THE SOVIET UNION EACH PLEDGE NEUTRALITY IN THE EVENT OF AN ATTACK ON THE OTHER BY A THIRD PARTY FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS.
But, after those five years, watch the hell out.
1933: NAZI GERMANY BEGINS ITS PERSECUTION OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES.
Somebody must have rang Hitler's doorbell on a Sunday afternoon.
1934: ACTRESS SHIRLEY MCLAINE IS BORN.
For the seventh time.
1940: AUTHOR SUE GRAFTON IS BORN.
B as in Birthday.
1942: ACTRESS BARBRA STREISAND IS BORN.
See, Babs, what happens when you're a big mouth. You don't get your picture on the top of my blog when it's your birthday.
1953: WINSTON CHURCHILL IS KNIGHTED BY QUEEN ELIZABETH II.
As if she has anything else to do in a given day.
1957: THE SUEZ CANAL IS REOPENED FOLLOWING THE INTRODUCTION OF PEACEKEEPERS TO THE REGION.
Has there ever been a day of peace in this region????
1967: COSMONAUT VLADIMIR KOMAROV DIES IN SOYUZ I WHEN ITS PARACHUTE FALLS TO OPEN. HE IS THE FIRST HUMAN TO DUE DURING A SPACE MISSION.
If it's me, I'm not looking to get on Soyuz II.
1967: DURING THE VIETNAM AR, AMERICAN GENERAL WILLIAM WESTMORELAND SAYS THAT THE ENEMY HAD GAINED SUPPORT IN THE US THAT GIVES HIM THAT HE CAN WIN POLITICALLY THAT WHICH HE CANNOT WIN MILITARILY.
And the entire country says "huh."
1974: COMEDIAN BUD ABBOTT DIES.
Nobody's on first.
1980: EIGHT US SERVICEMEN DIE IN OPERATION EAGLE CLAW AS THEY ATTEMPT TO END THE IRAN HOSTAGE CRISIS.
Should have had the folks from Argo in charge.
1986: SOCIALITE WALLIS SIMPSON DIES.
Wife of King Edward VIII and grandmother of Homer I.
1990: GRUINARD ISLAND, SCOTLAND, IS OFFICIALLY DECLARED FREE OF THE ANTHRAX DISEASE AFTER 48 YEARS OF QUARANTINE.
They must have run out of milk and bread years ago.
1996: IN THE US, THE ANTI-TERRORISM AND EFFECTIVE DEATH PENALTY ACT OF 1996 IS INTRODUCED.
That worked well.
1997: COMEDIAN PAT PAULSEN DIES.
The only Presidential candidate I could ever get behind.
2004: BUSINESSWOMAN ESTEE LAUDER DIES.
My mother wore her scents exclusively. For those of you who care.
2005: CARDINAL JOSEPHY RATZINGER IS INAUGURATED AS THE 265TH POPE OF THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH TAKING THE NAME POPE BENEDICT XVI.
Ratz-singa. He's the Pope, the Pope with the Midas touch....
2005: SNUPPY, THE WORLD'S FIRST CLONED DOG, IS BORN IS SOUTH KOREA.
And promptly cooked for that night's dinner.
Dinner last night: Boneless teriyaki wings at the Promenade Club of Citi Field.
1 comment:
Read Shirley MAclaine's daughter's book. Shirley is crazier than anyone thought.
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