The summer movie season starts now and Hollywood will be trying very hard to get us to stand on line for the next big hit. Or, more likely, the next humongous flop.
You know the drill, gang. I'll sift through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to what's on marquees this weekend.
May the force be with us.
The Age of Adaline: The trailer of this chick flick pretty much told the whole dreary tale. I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.
5 Flights Up: Reviewed here recently. If you're looking for a movie, find a different realtor.
Poltergeist: They're here. No, wait, they're back. And I'm asking...why???
Tomorrowland: Disney repurposes everything into a movie these days. I'm waiting for "Lillian Disney's Hot Flashes."
Absolution: Steven Seagal is back. Consider this your first warning.
While We're Young: Reviewed here recently. Surprisingly engaging for a Ben Stiller movie.
Ex Machina: I guess Deus wasn't available.
Aloft: Jennifer Connelly as an artist who reconnects with her son, who is a falconer. Now doesn't that sound uninteresting?
Chocolate City: Willy Wonka runs for Mayor?
Mad Max - Fury Road: Somebody asked me if I ever saw the original Mad Max and I had no clue such a movie existed. I am so out of it.
Hot Pursuit: Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara on the lam. How much longer do we have to put up with the latter's Ricky Ricardo fractured English?
Welcome to Me: Kristen Wiig and likely it's a bit self-centered.
Avengers - Age of Ultron: I've seen one Marvel Comics movie. That's probably enough.
The D Train: Jack Black stars and I never remember seeing him on the subway line that stopped at Fordham Road.
Far From The Madding Crowd: The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel. Strictly for those who have a book report due.
Pitch Perfect 2: Here's a confession. I actually saw and enjoyed the first one, even though I was probably the only guy in the theater. And the only person not wearing Clearasil.
Paul Blart - Mall Cop 2: Here's two words to avoid always. Kevin James.
The Water Diviner: Russell Crowe directs. I think this won some awards in Australia. But, what do they know? It's summer there when it's winter here.
Furious 7; Still?
The 100 Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window and Disappeared: If we still had movie marquees, I'd love to know how this title would be abbreviated.
The Human Centipede III: Will the Human Centipede V be redundant?
Saint Laurent: This movie could be abbreviated on a marquee as YSL.
Every Secret Thing: A detective searching for a missing child. If it's Etan Patz, that could be a Civil Service job for life.
Unfriended: Like This. Okay, no, I didn't. Never saw it. But it's an obvious gag which I couldn't resist.
I'll See You in My Dreams: A woman travels the US to get over the loss of her dog. Blythe Danner stars. Be thankful that her crazy daughter's not in it.
Good Kill: All about Ethan Hawke as a drone pilot. That says nothing to me.
The Film Critic: A man who detests romantic comedies finds his life becoming one. Heck, have cameras been following me around?
Dior and I: A documentary about... You've got one guess.
The Quiet Riot Movie: A documentary about... One more time, you've got one guess.
Animals: A young Chicago couple stuck in the throes of addiction. Gee, constant wind and snow has odd effects for some people.
Echoes of War: Neighboring families in post-Civil War Texas. Paging John Wayne and Richard Widmark.
Slow West: This cowboy picture was shot in New Zealand instead of Colorado. And, in lieu of Roy Rogers, we get Michael Fassbender???
Dinner last night: Ham and cheese omelet.
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