69: TIBERIUS JULIUS ALEXANDER ORDERS HIS ROMAN LEGIONS IN ALEXANDRIA TO SWEAR ALLEGIANCE TO VESPASIAN AS EMPEROR.
Since those soldiers probably like to swear anyway.
1097: CRUSADERS LED BY PRINCE BOHEMOND OF TARANTO DEFEAT A SELJUK ARMY LET BY SULTAN KILIJ ARSIAN I.
Does anybody know how to pronounce any of that??
1523: JOHANN ESCH AND HEINRICH VOES BECOME THE FIRST LUTHERAN MARTYRS, BURNED AT THE STAKE BY ROMAN CATHOLICS.
Plus they forgot to put something in the offering plate.
1643: FIRST MEETING OF THE WESTMINSTER ASSEMBLY IN LONDON.
Did they start the dog show?
1766: JEAN-FRANCOIS DE LA BARRE, A YOUNG FRENCH NOBLEMAN, IS TORTURED AND BEHEADED BEFORE HIS BODY IS BURNT ON A PYRE ALONG WITH A COPY OF VOLTAIRE'S DICTIONNAIRE NAILED TO HIS TORSO FOR THE CRIME OF NOT SALUTING A CATHOLIC PROCESSION IN FRANCE.
That's a lot of typing just to say "he's dead."
1837: A SYSTEM OF CIVIL REGISTRATION OF BIRTHS, MARRIAGES, AND DEATHS IS ESTABLISHED IN ENGLAND AND WALES.
The beginning, the middle, and the end.
1858: JOINT READING OF CHARLES DARWIN AND ALFRED RUSSEL WALLACE'S PAPERS ON EVOLUTION IN LONDON.
Who's a monkey???
1863: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE BATTLE OF GETTYSBURG BEGINS.
Start writing that speech, Abe.
1870: THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE FORMALLY COMES INTO EXISTENCE.
Good. Now crime can begin.
1874: THE SHOLES AND GLIDDEN TYPEWRITER, THE FIRST COMMERCIALLY SUCCESSFUL TYPEWRITER, GOES ON SALE.
The first unsuccessful one? lyltkwsfgqtrercxvas.
1879: CHARLES TAZE RUSSELL PUBLISHES THE FIRST EDITION OF THE WATCHTOWER.
Get off my front porch!
1903: START OF THE FIRST TOUR DE FRANCE BIKE RACE.
No word on what year it ended.
1906: BUSINESSWOMAN ESTEE LAUDER IS BORN.
The only perfume my mother wore.
1908: SOS IS ADOPTED AS THE INTERNATIONAL DISTRESS SIGNAL.
Replacing.....Help!!!!!!!!!
1916: ACTRESS OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND IS BORN.
Ordering one cake and one fire extinguisher.
1916: WORLD WAR I - ON THE FIRST DAY OF THE BATTLE OF THE SOMME 19,000 SOLDIERS OF THE BRITISH ARM ARE KILLED AND 40,000 WOUNDED.
Those are Somme casualties.
1920: ACTOR HAROLD SAKATA IS BORN.
Oddjob!
1925: ACTOR FARLEY GRANGER IS BORN.
A stranger on a train.
1931: ACTRESS LESLIE CARON IS BORN.
Gigi!
1934: ACTOR JAMIE FARR IS BORN.
Nice dress.
1943: TOKYO CITY MERGES WITH TOKYO PREFECTURE AND IS DISSOLVED. SINCE THIS DATE, NO CITY IN JAPAN HAS THE NAME "TOKYO."
Or, for that matter, "Mothra."
1952: ACTOR DAN AYKROYD IS BORN.
That's good bass.
1958: THE CANADIAN BROADCASTING CORPORATION LINKS TELEVISION BROADCASTING ACROSS CANADA VIA MICROWAVE.
Linking TV with popcorn forever.
1960: INDEPENDENCE OF SOMALIA.
Good, I was worried.
1962: INDEPENDENCE OF RWANDA.
Okay, now redundant.
1962: INDEPENDENCE OF BURUNDI.
Obviously, a slow news day unless you live in Burundi.
1963: ZIP CODES ARE INTRODUCED FOR US MAIL.
And still my mailman sometimes doesn't show up until 7PM.
1967: CANADA CELEBRATES ITS 100TH BIRTHDAY.
Why not celebrate it with an Expo??
1979: SONY INTRODUCES THE WALKMAN.
Remember those????
1980: "O CANADA" OFFICIALLY BECOMES THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF CANADA.
That's funny. I thought it always was.
1984: THE PG-13 RATING IS INTRODUCED BY THE MPAA.
Goodbye, M.
1987: WFAN RADIO IN NY IS LAUNCHED AS THE WORLD'S FIRST ALL-SPORTS RADIO STATION.
Hello, Vinnie from Passaic.
1991: ACTOR MICHAEL LANDON DIES.
Little Grave on the Prairie.
1995: RADIO HOST WOLFMAN JACK DIES.
Spinning the hits on that great AM station in the sky.
1996: MODEL MARGAUX HEMINGWAY DIES.
Even beautiful people have demons.
1997: ACTOR ROBERT MITCHUM DIES.
I always thought he was eating way too much beef.
2000: ACTOR WALTER MATTHAU DIES.
Never a bad performance ever.
2004: ACTOR MARLON BRANDO DIES.
He actually was a contender.
2005: SINGER LUTHER VANDROSS DIES.
Grammys kill.
2009: ACTOR KARL MALDEN DIES.
Wonder if Karl and Marlon knew they would share the same date of death when they worked together in "On the Waterfront."
Dinner last night: Chef's salad.
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