1099: FIRST CRUSADE - FIFTEEN THOUSAND STARVING CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS MARCH IN A RELIGIOUS PROCESSION AROUND JERUSALEM AS ITS MUSLIM DEFENDERS LOOK ON.
And they're still marching.
1497: VASCO DA GAMA SETS SAIL ON THE FIRST DIRECT EUROPEAN VOYAGE TO INDIA.
An awful long way to go for some curry.
1579: OUR LADY OF KAZAN, A HOLY ICON OF THE RUSSIAN ORTHODOX CHURCH, IS DISCOVERED UNDERGROUND IN THE CITY OF KAZAN.
Elia or Lainie?
1730: AN ESTIMATED MAGNITUDE 8.7 EARTHQUAKE CAUSES A TSUNAMI THAT DAMAGES CHILI'S COASTLINE.
Back in 1730, I would guess that about four people were impacted.
1775: THE OLIVE BRANCH PETITION IS SIGNED BY THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS OF THE THIRTEEN COLONIES OF NORTH AMERICA.
With or without pimentos?
1853: US COMMODORE MATTHEW PERRY ARRIVES IN EDO BAY WITH A TREATY REQUESTING TRADE.
So, when Perry finally got on Friends, he was really, really, really old.
1874: THE MOUNTIES BEGIN THEIR MARCH WEST.
Sgt. Preston leading the way.
1876: WHITE SUPREMACISTS KILL FIVE BLACK REPUBLICANS IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
And the note I take from this? Five Black Republicans.
1889: THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE WALL STREET JOURNAL IS PUBLISHED.
Where are the funny pages?
1892: ST JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND, CANADA IS DEVASTATED IN THE GREAT FIRE OF 1892.
And I guess I am too. Devastated, I mean.
1898: THE DEATH OF CRIME BOSS SOAPY SMITH, WHO IS KILLED IN AN ALASKAN SHOOTOUT.
The Sopranos Go to Juneau.
1908: GOVERNOR NELSON ROCKEFELLER IS BORN.
Best joke I ever heard about him. When he wakes up in the morning, he feels happy. And then Happy feels him.
1917: ACTRESS FAYE EMERSON IS BORN.
A name I've heard countless times. I couldn't place her if I fell over her.
1918: ACTOR CRAIG STEVENS IS BORN.
Peter Gunn!
1930: SINGER JERRY VALE IS BORN.
My writing partner once saw him in the super market, looking for his name in the tabloids.
1932: THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE REACHES ITS LOWEST LEVEL OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION.
For those who still haven't jumped out of their window...
1934: ACTOR MARTY FELDMAN IS BORN.
It's Eye-gor.
1935: SINGER STEVE LAWRENCE IS BORN.
Go away, little boy.
1947: REPORTS ARE BROADCAST THAT A UFO CRASH LANDED IN ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO.
Hence, all the jokes about Roswell ever since.
1948: THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE ACCEPTS ITS FIRST FEMALE RECRUITS.
Opening the Mile High Club....
1949: CHEF WOLFGANG PUCK IS BORN.
Overrated.
1958: ACTOR KEVIN BACON IS BORN.
If you share this birthday, you have one degree of separation.
1960: FRANCIS GARY POWERS IS CHARGED WITH ESPIONAGE RESULTING FROM HIS FLIGHT OVER THE SOVIET UNION.
Vat you looking at, Yankee.
1968: THE CHRYSLER WILDCAT STRIKE BEGINS IN DETROIT.
Is that their new model? A Wildcat.
1982: ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT AGAINST IRAQI PRESIDENT SADDAM HUSSEIN.
Too bad it didn't take.
1990: ACTOR HOWARD DUFF DIES.
Making Ida Lupino an ex-wife/widow.
1991: ACTOR JAMES FRANCISCUS DIES.
Not a good last name if you lisp.
1994: ACTOR DICK SARGENT DIES.
The second and lesser Darrin Stevens.
1994: KIM JONG-IL BEGINS TO ASSUME SUPREME LEADERSHIP OF NORTH KOREA UPON THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER.
So I guess Dad was Il, too.
2006: ACTRESS JUNE ALLYSON DIES.
Bladder no longer full.
2011: FORMER FIRST LADY BETTY FORD DIES.
She didn't last much longer after her husband.
2012: ACTOR ERNEST BORGNINE DIES.
What are you going to do now, Marty?
YEAR NOT SPECIFIED: A HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAR FRIEND, THE BIBSTER.
A regular reader to this Wednesday frivolity. I couldn't enjoy this life without you.
Dinner last night: Chef's salad.
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