Hollywood like this doesn't exist any more. On the screen and off. But, every weekend, we keep hoping. This is the time of year where Oscar possibilities are being released amidst all the other junk. You know the drill, guys. I'll sift through the pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to what's polluting our movie houses this week.
Hmmm, I wonder what's playing at the Egyptian.
Pan: Apropos title. By both critics and audiences.
The Wire: Review coming shortly. Look at the screen, not down.
Black Mass: Reviewed here recently. The Sopranos Go to Fenway Park.
Everest: I guess this is another one to be avoided if you're afraid of heights.
Grandma: Reviewed here last month. This will be Lily Tomlin's next Oscar nomination.
Truth: All about how Dan Rather got fired and I hear the movie is so stilted that the title of the film doesn't fit.
Meet the Patels: I still haven't really met the Nelsons.
Goosebumps: I think this is a kid's book or something.
Room: A woman and her son have been locked in a small room for years. So I'm guessing no wi-fi?
Bridge of Spies: Heavy Oscar buzz from Tom Hanks and director Steven Spielberg. All about that U2 pilot Francis Gary Powers in 1962. Okay, you talked me into it.
Meadowland: Not plural, so I guess this isn't about where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.
OzLand: Okay, let me guess...
The Martian: Matt Damon gets stuck on Mars. Unfortunately, this isn't a documentary.
Woodlawn: It's about a high school football team in Alabama, not the cemetery where my grandparents are buried in the Bronx.
Meru: Yet another mountain climbing movie.
Straight Outta Compton: Still hanging around theaters. Worth your time. Surprisingly.
Steve Jobs: The computer guy gets the Aaron Sorkin treatment. Not sure if he deserved that.
Sleeping with Other People: For those who simply can't miss a Jason Sudeikis romantic comedy.
Stonewall: The gay bar in the 60s, not the Civil War soldier.
Trash: A super-bad title for a movie.
The Intern: Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway. Talk about your odd pairing.
I Spit On Your Grave 3: Gee, three movies. That's a lot of saliva.
Hotel Transylvania 2: Oh, good, now it's a chain.
Sicario: Drug border war between the US and Mexico. Okay, so this is a piece of fiction?
Maze Runner - The Scorch Trials: Another film franchise that I'm apparently missing.
A Walk in the Woods: This Robert Redford-Nick Nolte came out a month ago and I defy you to find a theater that's running it.
All Things Must Pass - The Rise and Fall of Tower Records: A record store? What's that?
Crimson Peak: A young woman in Victorian England visits a house with spooky secrets. Oh. That's code for "I have nothing else to say."
Experimenter: A 1961 psychological experiment goes awry. God, I hate when that happens.
Medusa: Okay, let me guess on this one, too.
This Changes Everything: A documentary about climate change. Kill. Me. Now.
A Brilliant Young Mind: That was me for about five minutes.
Big Stone Gap: An Appalachian mining town. With Patrick Wilson, Ashely Judd...and Whoopi Goldberg????!!!!????
Freeheld: The past tense of the town in New Jersey.
Goodnight Mommy: A horror film. Of course.
Knock Knock: Who's there? Not me.
99 Homes: A guy who forecloses on homes. Oh, so it's a comedy.
Pawn Sacrifice: I hate chess. Just sayin'.
Dinner last night: Had a big lunch so just some frozen lemonade.
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