What probably isn't worth five minutes plus of your time is the fare at your local cineplex this weekend. Disaster movies, to be sure, but not in the same way. You know the drill, gang. I will sift through the LA Times movie pages and give you my knee-jerk reaction to what's playing this weekend. I trust you that none of the films will give you as much entertainment as when Dean Martin tries to talk Van Heflin out of...wait, you've never seen "Airport?" No spoilers here.
The Divergent Series - Allegiant: Sounds like something you take for your sinuses.
Son of Saul: Won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film. It's about the Holocaust. Of course, it did.
Hail, Caesar: Blog review coming. Spoiler alert: avoid.
The Lady in the Van: Blog review coming. Be careful where you park.
Eddie the Eagle: Britain's first-ever Winter Olympic skier. And that's interesting why?
Deadpool: Dead in the water as far as I'm concerned.
The Brothers Grimsby: Roger?
Hello, My Name is Doris: Sally Field as a daffy senior citizen. Typecast.
Eye in the Sky: Will see it primarily because it's Alan Rickman's last film.
Knight of Cups: Terence Malick tells a story about Los Angeles. Probably great photography that will lull you to sleep.
London Has Fallen: Well, Downton Abbey is gone, so why not?
Me Him Her: That leaves I out.
The Young Messiah: No, this isn't a documentary about Obama.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: I hear this is another clinically unfunny Tina Fey movie.
Where to Invade Next: More dribble about Michael Moore. Just move already, Michael.
10 Cloverfield Lane: A sort-of sequel to Cloverfield. That one had people vomiting in the lobby.
The Perfect Match: Is one that starts a fire. Basically, I've got nothing else to say about this one.
Triple 9: Crooked cops. Executive producer: Al Sharpton?
Miracles from Heaven: Jennifer Garner stars and I guess one of them is her divorce from that lunkhead.
Bleak Street: Two prostitutes kill dwarf brothers. Seriously, that's the logline.
The Little Prince: Didn't I do a book report on this for French class a hundred years ago?
The Dog Wedding: That's what happens when dogs get lawyers.
The Program: A biopic about Lance Armstrong. Spoiler alert: drugs are involved.
Remember: Christopher Plummer and Martin Landau as Holocaust survivors looking for revenge on a Nazi prison guard. Forget.
The Witch: It ain't Elizabeth Montgomery.
Only Yesterday: Japanese animation. You've been warned.
Room: See it for Brie Larson's Oscar winning performance.
Spotlight: I told you this was going to win Best Picture.
Embrace of the Serpent: Sixty years ago, this would have starred Lana Turner.
The Big Short: See it for the Oscar winning screenplay.
Creative Control: What I have on this blog.
Barney Thomson: A barber in Glasgow is suspected of being a serial killer. Um, Sweeney Todd?
Pee Wee's Big Holiday: Guess who?
Midnight Special: It's either about a gun or an old music TV show.
The Bronze: A washed-up gymnast. Written by the star Melissa Rauch, Bernadette from The Big Bang Theory.
Burning Bodhi: A group of high school alumni reunite after one dies. Um, The Big Chill? It stars Kaley Cuoco, so obviously those actors got work during the last hiatus.
Risen: Joseph Fiennes as Jesus. Just in time for Palm Sunday.
The Revenant: Blog review coming. A mild surprise for me.
Race: Jesse Owens vs. Adolf Hitler. What's the undercard?
Dinner last night: Chopped steak and roasted vegetables.
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