597 BC: BABYLONIANS CAPTURE JERUSALEM, AND REPLACE JECONIAH WITH ZEDEKIAH AS KING.
Notify the gift shop. We need Zedekiah t-shirts.
455: EMPEROR VALENTINIAN III IS ASSASSINATED BY TWO HUNNIC RETAINERS.
What the hell is a Hunnic retainer? Anybody?
934: MENG ZHIXIANG DECLARES HIMSELF EMPEROR AND ESTABLISHES LATER SHU AS A NEW STATE INDEPENDENT OF LATER TANG.
Later for you.
1190: MASSACRE OF JEWS AT CLIFFORD'S TOWER, YORK.
Just in case you thought this started with Hitler.
1621: SAMOSET, A MOHEGAN, VISITED THE SETTLERS OF PLYMOUTH COLONY AND GREETS THEM "WELCOME, ENGLISHMEN. MY NAME IS SAMOSET."
Big deal. When's lunch?
1660: THE LONG PARLIAMENT OF ENGLAND IS DISSOLVED SO AS TO PREPARE FOR THE NEW CONVENTION PARLIAMENT.
Dissolved. Like an Alka Seltzer tablet.
1802: THE ARMY CORPS OF ENGINEERS IS ESTABLISHED TO FOUND AND OPERATE THE US MILITARY ACADEMY AT WEST POINT.
Good. Now Navy has somebody to play in football.
1861: EDWARD CLARK BECOMES GOVERNOR OF TEXAS, REPLACING SAM HOUSTON, WHO HAS BEEN EVICTED FROM THE OFFICE FOR REFUSING TO TAKE AN OATH OF LOYALTY TO THE CONFEDERACY.
Is it me or does the office of Texas Governor always seem to be in the news?
1870: THE FIRST VERSION OF THE OVERTURE FANTASY "ROMEO AND JULIET" BY TCHAIKOVSKY RECEIVES ITS PREMIERE PERFORMANCE.
Spoiler alert: they both die at the end.
1906: COMIC HENNY YOUNGMAN IS BORN.
I solved the parking problem in NYC. I bought a parked car.
1912: FIRST PAT NIXON IS BORN.
I've got nothing to say about her, so I'll just do another Youngman joke. I just came back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
1916: THE 7TH AND 10TH US CAVALRY REGIMENTS UNDER JOHN J. PERSHING CROSS THE US-MEXICO BORDER TO JOIN THE HUNT FOR PANCHO VILLA.
Please open your car trunk.
1926: ACTOR JERRY LEWIS IS BORN.
That makes him 90 if my math is correct.
1935: ADOLF HITLER ORDERS GERMANY TO REARM HERSELF IN VIOLATION OF THE TREATY OF VERSAILLES.
You vill do it!
1942: THE FIRST V-S ROCKET TEST LAUNCH. IT EXPLODED AT LIFTOFF.
Bang, I should have had a V-8.
1945: WORLD WAR II - THE BATTLE OF IWO JIMA ENDED.
Hence the statue.
1958: THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY PRODUCES ITS 50 MILLIONTH AUTOMOBILE, THE THUNDERBIRD.
Bluebook value, please?
1966: LAUNCH OF GEMINI 8, THE 12TH MANNED AMERICAN SPACE FLIGHT.
There are still some nuts out there who think all the space explorations we did were faked on a Hollywood soundstage.
1968: VIETNAM WAR - IN THE MY LAI MASSACRE, ALMOST 500 VIETNAMESE VILLAGERS ARE KILLED BY AMERICAN TROOPS.
This country has had better days than this one.
1968: GENERAL MOTORS PRODUCES ITS 100 MILLIONTH AUTOMOBILE, THE OLDSMOBILE TORONADO.
Don't bother with the Bluebook value on this one.
1971: POLITICIAN THOMAS E. DEWEY DIES.
He loses...again.
1978: FORMER ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER ALDO MORO IS KIDNAPPED AND LATER KILLED BY HIS CAPTORS.
All the more-o.
1983: TV STAR ARTHUR GODFREY DIES.
I have had heard lots of bad things about this guy. And I don't even know Julius LaRosa.
1985: AP NEWSMAN TERRY ANDERSON IS TAKEN HOSTAGE IN BEIRUT. HE IS RELEASED IN 1991.
Six years. I hope he didn't have anything at the dry cleaners.
1988: IRAN-CONTRA AFFAIR - LT. COLONEL OLIVER NORTH AND VICE ADMIRAL JOHN POINDEXTER ARE INDICTED ON CHARGES OF CONSPIRACY TO DEFRAUD THE UNITED STATES.
Guilty!
1991: MUSICIAN WOLFGANG VAN HALEN IS BORN.
Yeah, I know who his mother is.
1995: MISSISSIPPI FORMALLY RATIFIES THE THIRTEENTH AMENDMENT, BECOMING THE LAST STATE TO APPROVE THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY.
Talk about coming to the party late.
2008: ACTOR IVAN DIXON DIES.
FYI, I never liked "Hogan's Heroes."
Dinner last night: Japanese noodles.
No comments:
Post a Comment