Thursday, September 8, 2016

If You Want to Be Len's President...

Because of crazy photos like this, rumors are rampant that Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has something wrong with her.   She's dying.   She has a brain tumor.  There's damage to her skull because she was hit in the head with a frying pan.  Oh, wait, that's what she may have thrown at Bill's head. Never mind.

Well, the loony pundits are feverishly at work trying to prove she has major physical ailments.   As for me, I just think she looks completely out-of-shape and kind of dumpy.   

But this brings me to a bigger question and something I would require that all Presidential candidates undergo before we elect them.   

A physical exam.  By a team of independent physicians.   With reports back to the American people.  None of this bullshit about doctor-and-patient privacy. Hey, you want to be my President?  I want to know your blood pressure and all the good cholesterol versus the bad cholesterol stuff.

I mean, think about the past.   We find out all the important information after they've got the job.   Woodrow Wilson was so sickly that he had a stroke in the Oval Office.  His wife was the nation's main adviser for a while.  John F. Kennedy had a bum back and Addison's Disease.  Ronald Reagan was susceptible to polyps in either his nose or up his ass, I forget.  And don't get me start on Frankie Roosevelt.   Besides deceiving the country for years about his inability to walk, he was also elected to a fourth term by this nation and nobody but his doctors knew that he was dying from perhaps brain cancer.   You didn't know this?   Please read "FDR's Deadly Secret" by Dr. Steven Lomazow and Eric Fettmann.

Meanwhile, back at the stethoscope, is it too much for us to insist on super-healthy Chief Executives?  I mean, most of them are usually up there in age.   And that's a funny sidebar.  Remember how many people went nuts saying that Reagan was too old when he was first elected President?   Well, he was 69.   On January 20, 2017, if elected, Hillary Clinton will be...wait for it...69.  On January 20, 2017, if elected, Donald Trump will be...70.   And for you mental midgets who were backing Bernie Sanders, he would be a doddering 76 years old on Inauguration Day.

Yeah, I want my President vibrant and alert and able to do 100 situps if ISIS storms the White House and holds him or her hostage.

But I'm going a little deeper.   Besides a physical exam, my President also needs to pass two other tests as well.   All administered again by an independent panel owing no allegiance to any political party.   Yes, they are easy to find.   Hey, look at me.   I hate every politician.   

First off, a test on American History.   I'll even allow it to be multiple choice to give Obama a fair chance.   Nevertheless, with that quiz, we just know that George Bush the Junior is immediately gone especially after we catch him cheating.   The basic American History test would have weeded out the 20 or so Republican candidates last winter in ten minutes.

But, then, I am insisting on a thorough psychiatric evaluation.  Let's face it, what do we really know about these people?   Okay, right from the get go, both Hillary and Donald are toast when it comes to this examination.   Had we administered it in the past, a lot of our country's problems would be less critical.

Just take the current occupant of L'Office Oval.   Look at his background.   His father was a deadbeat and a philanderer.   He has half-siblings all over Africa. His mother was a con artist and a slut.   He's not sure his grandmother loved him because she was White.  I don't know how you come out of this upbringing without at least five screws loosened.

Let's keep going back in time.   Okay, George Jr. doesn't even get to the psychiatric round because he failed the pop quiz on who was the first President.  How about a psychiatric evaluation of Bill Clinton?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Epic fail.


George Sr.  always seemed a little maniacal to me.

As for Reagan, I think he could have passed the psychiatric round in 1981, but later on, he was such a holy mental mess that our country was being run by his wife Nancy, Merv Griffin, and Zelda the tarot card reader from the Boardwalk at Atlantic City.

Oh, Jimmy Carter?  I'm not sure he even gets any of the testing.   I have one more requirement to be my President.   You have to be able to sign your own name.

And so on and so on.   I could continue.

Just know that, if you want to be my President, you need to say "aah."  Oh, and what does this ink blot look like to you?

Dinner last night:   The great pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

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