Happy birthday, Thomas Crapper and no, he did not. Invent the toilet, that is. But, he did....well, you'll see.
551 BC: PHILOSOPHER CONFUCIUS IS BORN.
So now we have something to write on those little pieces of paper that get stuffed into cookies.
48 BC: POMPEY THE GREAT IS ASSASSINATED ON THE ORDER OF KING PTOLEMY OF EGYPT.
Pompey the Great is now Pompey the Dead.
365: ROMAN USURPER PROCOPIUS BRIBES TWO LEGIONS PASSING BY CONSTANTINOPLE AND PROCLAIMS HIMSELF ROMAN EMPEROR.
Talk about being pushy.
935: SAINT WENCESLAS IS MURDERED BY HIS BROTHER, BOLESLAUS I OF BOHEMIA.
What happened to the good king we sing about at Christmas time?
1066: WILLIAM THE BASTARD INVADES ENGLAND BEGINNING THE NORMAN CONQUEST.
Hence, the name.
1238: MUSLIN VALENCIA SURRENDERS TO THE BESIEGING KING JAMES I OF ARAGON THE CONQUEROR.
Gee, this sure is a tough day to be a king.
1542: NAVIGATOR JOAO RODRIGUES CABRILHO OF PORTUGAL ARRIVES AT WHAT IS NOW SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.
He was quite disappointed when he found the zoo was closed for maintenance.
1708: PETER THE GREAT DEFEATS THE SWEDES AT THE BATTLE OF LESNAYA.
There's an awful lot of guys in history who thought they were Great.
1787: THE NEWLY COMPLETED UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION IS VOTED ON BY THE U.S. CONGRESS TO BE SENT TO THE STATES FOR APPROVAL.
Back in the days when we actually had united states.
1836: INVENTOR THOMAS CRAPPER IS BORN.
...but he did invent the ball cock that is used in flush toilets. And that's a funny name, too.
1844: OSCAR I OF SWEDEN-NORWAY IS CROWNED KING OF SWEDEN.
But apparently wasn't Great.
1867: TORONTO BECOMES THE CAPITAL OF ONTARIO.
And the Maple Leafs couldn't be far behind.
1868: BATTLE OF ALCOLEA CAUSES QUEEN ISABELLA II OF SPAIN TO FLEE TO FRANCE.
Trying to avoid becoming Isabella the Sick.
1895: SCIENTIST LOUIS PASTEUR DIES.
Don't cry over spilled....
1901: BROADCAST PIONEER WILLIAM S. PALEY IS BORN.
It's funny that, on the very same day....
1901: TV HOST ED SULLIVAN IS BORN.
Who wound up making oodles of money for his fellow birthday mate.
1909: CARTOONIST AL CAPP IS BORN.
1918: ACTOR ARNOLD STANG IS BORN.
He was the voice of Top Cat. And also ate an awful lot of Chunky Candy.
1919: ACTRESS DORIS SINGLETON IS BORN.
Carolyn Appleby from I Love Lucy!!!!
1928: THE U.K. PARLIAMENT PASSES THE DANGEROUS DRUGS ACT OUTLAWING CANNABIS.
1928: SIR ALEXANDER FLEMING NOTICES A BACTERIA-KILLING MOLD GROWING IN HIS LABORATORY, DISCOVERING WHAT LATER BECAME KNOWN AS PENCILLIN.
That's what he gets for buying week-old bread.
1934: ACTRESS BRIGITTE BARDOT IS BORN.
Now we're talking.
1939: WARSAW SURRENDERS TO NAZI GERMANY DURING WORLD WAR II.
You really didn't expect them to put up much of a fight, did you?
1951: CBS MAKES THE FIRST COLOR TELEVISIONS AVAILABLE FOR SALE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
So how come all the first color TV programs were on NBC???
1960: MALI AND SENEGAL JOIN THE UNITED NATIONS.
Who lowered the annual dues?
1964: ACTOR HARPO MARX DIES.
His last words? ............................................
1971: THE PARLIAMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM PASSES THE MISUSE OF DRUGS ACT BANNING THE MEDICINAL USE OF CANNABIS.
And even more buzz killing.
1978: POPE JOHN PAUL I DIES.
He barely had a chance to unpack.
1991: JAZZ MUSICIAN MILES DAVIS DIES.
Miles is now six feet under.
2003: TENNIS PLAYER ALTHEA GIBSON DIES.
Game, set, match.
2003: DIRECTOR ELIA KAZAN DIES.
He was on the waterfront, but now is a bit further inland.
2004: DESIGNER GEOFFREY BEENE DIES.
No longer in fashion.
2004: RADIO DISC JOCKEY SCOTT MUNI DIES.
This guy was a real scumbag. I'm just saying...
Dinner last night: Chef's salad.