Dirty Laundry

 

Maybe you've seen it.   The HBO documentary called "Allen V Farrow."   A four-hour extravaganza that is the television equivalent of listening to your neighbors argue next door.  It's like a train wreck or one of those famed California car chases.  You watch and watch and watch...eyes riveted.  Then when you're done, you exclaim...

"I spent four hours watching THAT?!!!"

To say that Woody Allen and Mia Farrow have issues is sort of like saying Nancy Pelosi is a Democrat.   Duh.   Here are two ultra-entitled people who don't know the first thing about life's struggles.   I mean, a hardship for Woody is probably finding gum underneath his season seat at Knicks games.  And Mia, who is at best a C level actress, has had a charmed life since Mom was swinging around the vines with Johnny Weissmuller.  

So, witnessing "their issues" should be taken with about three or four boxes of Morton's Salt.  There are a lot of other people with problems one hundred times worse than these two idiots.

Okay, I am a fan of Woody's film work and always have been.   Even his worst efforts are superior compared to some of the other junk released by Hollywood.  I enjoy his talent despite the fact that I know he is probably a creep in real life.  I mean, look at the movie "Manhattan" and that very true-to-life romance with teenager Mariel Hemingway.   You know that's a page from his real life.  And then really taking up with one of Mia's young daughters, Soon Yi.

Yeah, he's weird and bizarre and mentally ill.

And that's the message that hammers at your head constantly over the course of this four hour documentary.  Woody is bad.  And that's because all of the talking heads come from Mia's side of the bed.   Her society friends.  Her doctors.  Her own children.  Even if he's as guilty as sin, Allen doesn't stand a chance to defend himself.   Indeed, the only time you hear his voice is in excerpts from the audio book of his memoirs.   Or because Mia taped their phone conversations.  There is not a single person who comes out in his defense.  Maybe there are none.   But I'd like to see some form of a balanced look at these two jerks.  Is Diane Keaton suffering from laryngitis?

Because, as my mother used to always say when somebody was getting a divorce...

"There are two sides to every story."

And most well-balanced normal people will tell you that they think Mia Farrow is mentally insane.  Who the hell adopts as many kids as she does?   She's pulled in enough Asian children to staff her own Thai restaurant.  

Who, after her young daughter tells her the story about Woody and "her privates," video tapes the kid endlessly, which forces the child to relive the moment over and over and over???

Who accuses her "husband" (they never really married...another issue for all) of recording their phone conversations just as the "record" button is pressed in her house?

Who, with all this mayhem and possible crime around her, doesn't bother to call the police???

And, by the way, we still don't know who Ronan Farrow's dad is, right?

Yep, Mia is nuts.   And she didn't call the cops because Woody cast her in thirteen movies over the course of a decade.  Trust me, Mia is not getting any work from anybody else.

But you don't get those questions even asked because "Allen V Farrow" is essentially a family home video gone horribly bad.   

Maybe that's why I spent four hours watching THAT!

LEN'S RATING:  Two stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover sausage, peppers, and onions.