It's Wednesday. Where Am I?

On the road again. Greetings from NYC, the perspiration capital of the world.

---Al Sharpton issued five commandments for Don Imus to adhere to now that he is going back to the airwaves.

---As much as I detest Imus, Sharpton's request is totally laughable.

---Okay, Fatpig, here's five things I need you to do for me

---Number One, admit to all that rape charge from Tawana Whats-her-face was a sham.

---Number Two, stop showing up like a fly on day-old garbage everytime there is the slightest hint of injustice done to an African-American.

---Number Three, if you want to ignore Number Two, then start showing up everytime there is the slightest hint of injustice done to anybody.

---Number Four, how about a freakin' salad bar?

---Number Five, please stop wearing all those stretchy sweat suits that come in the shades of Kool Aid flavors only available in Mississippi.

---Once again, the fact that this piece of slime is never censored by any African-American is appalling.

---And that includes you, Doogie Obama. That photo op with that medallion-laden hippopotamus a few months ago should have killed your future political career right then and there.

---You see what humidity does to me?

---Hurricane season. Time to buy stock again in Home Depot.

---Preseason football games are the most useless inventions known to man. All that ever happens is some team's season is destroyed before it starts when their quarterback breaks his leg.

---And usually some ultra-healthy 275 pound defensive end drops dead in a scrimmage being played in 100 degree weather.

---I hadn't see much of Diana Krall before, but she sure is an amazing artist. She gave a great show at the Hollywood Bowl last Saturday.

---I had no idea she could play the piano. She did a silky smooth rendition of the Bee Gees' "How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?". It was so good that you gained five pounds listening to it.

---I can almost forgive the Elvis Costello connection.

---I'm still amazed how much trouble grown people can have finding their correct seats at the Hollywood Bowl. I witnessed another such drama just as the show started.

---About four knuckleheads were about four rows off from where their tickets were.

---Because, on a ticket stub, you can easily mix up Row 12 and Row 16.

---It makes you wonder how they cope when they're confronted with more complicated questions.

---Like the totally legit question I once received. "When do they hold the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade?"

---Or..."do you have the number for 911?"

---Frankly, I blame it all on Oprah's Book Club.

---Had my worst day ever of air travel on Tuesday. You know that's coming on another day.

Dinner last night: Beef tenderloin and grilled asparagus on AA Flight 180. At least, I was upgraded.