Waivering

The baseball pennant races have begun in earnest. The false pretenders have fallen away to reveal the true contenders. Much to my chagrin, the Yankees have rebounded anew and promise to initiate my reflux gags from now till September 30 or, regretfully, beyond. The Mets have not run away with their division, but should prevail for at least one round of the playoffs. So, I will be assured of at least one playoff ticket seated somewhere near Saturn's innermost ring.

Right now, it's the Dodgers who are on the cusp. After a week or two of uninspired play and several games of consecutive goose eggs, they find themselves as the chaser as opposed to the chasee. Their pitching staff is being held together by dental floss and Elmer's Glue. A recent batting swoon has turned a a bad situation into a veritable SARS epidemic. But, it ain't over. The Diamondbacks are in first place, but are playing with house money at this juncture. After Brandon Webb, the Broadway Show League has better pitching. And batting orders are generally not constructed around the talents of Conor Jackson. They can be had. And the Padres are also not exactly re-inventing the sport down in San Diego. The Dodgers could still prevail. If...

While you really can't do anything about the pitching injuries the Dodgers have sustained, GM Ned Colletti has failed in one very important area. He has essentially butchered the construction of a solid bench. Wilson Betemit (who still had plenty of untapped upside) was dispatched for a reliever. Okay, I get that. But, that leaves you with...

Gulp. Olmedo Saenz.

The only thing former pinch hitter deluze Olmedo Saenz has hit in the last two months is the express line at Rubio's Fish Tacos. Once an integral bench player, the Killer Tomato has completely lost all evidence of being an athlete. The only way I want to see him at Dodger Stadium in the next month is if he's selling oranges on the offramp from the 110 Freeway. Seeing him come up to bat with runners on base in a tie game is the equivalent of a nightly viewing of the Jerry Lewis Telethon. The fact that Colletti kept him and released Marlon Anderson is one of the most confusing roster moves I ever have seen. Anderson is back thriving with the Mets, while Saenz sits with a pen knife trying to cut another hole in his belt.

Of course, Mike Lieberthal sits on the bench every night and never pinch hits, because he is the backup catcher. A solid hitter and he's nothing but an earthquake survival kit. You can't use it till it's absolutely necessary.

At this time of year, the only way you can make a deal is by passing somebody through waivers. Of course, at this time of year, everybody passes through waivers. I hear the Yankees tried to claim Tom Tresh the other day. But, I digress...

There is one player who just flew through waivers that could make the rest of the Dodger season successful. His presence would energize the team and the fans simultaneously. He could serve as either a backup or a late inning solid bat on the bench. And he can still hit. Of course, compared to Olmedo Saenz, my father can still hit. And he's been dead since 1991.

Yep, folks, I am suggesting a deal for Mike Piazza. Who cares if he can't catch? He never could. Who cares if he can't run? He never could. But, as a bat off the bench, he would be solid. And a return to his Uncle Tommy for one last hurrah would be dynamite.

There are those who would argue that you are essentially paying through the nose (at least for two months) for a player who can't play the field. Okay, I have watched Saenz play first and third. Your honor, the defense rests. The only market for Saenz right now may be Angels Stadium, where they need some extra personnel to sweep the rats off the hot dog grills.

With Piazza, you totally free up Lieberthal to be used off the bench. He can play first in a pinch (Met fans, you'll notice I am not suggesting Piazza for that position). Then, you plug in the rest of the reserve infield by bringing back Tony Abreu from Vegas and you're done. It also gives you flexibility to give Russell Martin more time off. Let's face it. He may be 23, but he has worn down over the season.

It's all possible, probably for nothing more than a mid-range prospect.

It's theatrical and it makes baseball sense all at the same time. Like when the Mets brought back Willie Mays in 1972.

Ned Colletti, you're welcome for the free advice. It's all part of my complimentary service.

And, yeah, I know none of this will probably happen.

Dinner last night: Had a big lunch, so I just enjoyed some fruit salad.