A Midsummer Wednesday

The season's half over, folks. From Pacific time to Central to Pacific and back to Central. Has anybody got the correct time?

---I've spent time in Dallas and Chicago. The glorious Midwest. I can literally feel my brain cells evaporating.

---2 + 2 equals 6, right?

---And there are 49 states. We just added Canada.

---Actually, Chicago's a great city and sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of the country. It needs to be within driving distance of either NY or LA.

---Vin Scully had a great line last week during a Dodger game in that hellhole of Denver's Coors Field. Commenting on the tall grass in the outfield, he said...

---"Holy mackerel. You could lose a poodle out there."

---The only time I ever watch the Today Show is when I am in a hotel room. Thankfully, I am not frequently in a hotel room.

---Al Roker is still working in television??? I swore I saw him bagging groceries at Ralph's.

---I love the way those lemmings swarm all over the Today set in Rockefeller Center shouting Al's name.

---Well, that's what is talentless here. Let's see who has no talent in your neck of the woods.

---I swear that our enemies around the world watch who we idolize on TV and then proceed to reload their guns.

---The last time Matt Lauer got involved in delivering hard news he was riding a bicycle.

---And they're still doing those faux concerts with musical retreads every Friday??? A wonderful barometer of hayseed musical tastes.

---Ladies and Gentlemen, the Cowsills!!!!

---I caught former '86 Met Ray Knight doing color on the Washington Nationals game.

---Please quit your night job.

---LA Mayor Sleazebag is doing radio spots, reminding people to make sure their earthquake kits are well stocked.

---You know his must contain a bottle of tequila.

---And he probably checks the date on that box of condoms.

---Coming home from the Hollywood Bowl, the other night I ran right into traffic for LA's club scene, which was hopping.

---When I was young enough to do so, I wasn't doing the club scene in NY. More often, look for me and my friends in the Riverdale Diner.

---One friend says that we were doing the club sandwich scene.

Dinner last night: Ribeye steak and mushrooms at David Burke's in Chicago.