So Sorry for Unfortunate Interruption

"Only clever man can bite into pie without breaking crust."

Fox Video recently completed the rollout release of all the Charlie Chan films that starred Warner Oland as the inscrutable detective from Honolulu. All three box sets are now on my book shelves. It's cinematic comfort food for me as if they ran meat loaf and gravy through a film projector.

Back when I was a kid, the wonderful Channel 5 in NY used to run these mysteries on Saturday afternoon. It was bonding time with my grandmother, who loved these stories. I can still remember the screen slide used. It was a stick figure cartoon of Charlie Chan, complete with two sloping lines for eyes. It was aptly called "Charlie Chan Theater."

In retrospect, these movies were produced very quickly and the production values were straight from Walmart. Not only were their very few exterior shots, but I doubt they even deviated twenty feet to the left or the right on the sound stage. Only one of the earliest films, 1931's "The Black Camel" looked pricey to produce. It was filmed mostly in Hawaii and sported a cast that included Bela Lugosi and Robert Young among the suspects. The mysteries themselves were often complicated and usually they introduced a hidden character or plot device in the very last reel to explain away all the confusion. They were usually about 75 minutes in length and, if they were longer, the production costs would probably skyrocket by another 100 dollars or so.

Still, we were held captive by the TV every Saturday afternoon. If it was the winter, it was even better. These films gave off a warm glow that no baseboard radiator could match.

Now, true Chan-o-philes will tell you that there was really only one actor that could play the detective. That would be Swedish actor Warner Oland. Yep, Swedish. Because I doubt there was ever a real Asian in these movies except for Keye Luke, who played Number #1 son. Oland did all the things actors did to portray an Oriental, which, of course, included some heavy duty tape around the eyes. Nevertheless, he was totally believable to me. He lasted till about 1937 when he left the series due to illness and his ultimate death in 1938. The actors that followed were horrible and couldn't pull it off. Oland had set the bar too high.

A few years, Fox thought they were doing a great thing by restoring these films which had more seams in them than Joan Rivers' chin. Subsequently, the Fox Movie Channel started to feature them in chronological order. Of course, seventy years later, there was a lot more whining about the stereotypes offered up in these films. Beyond the Asian portrayals, Black actors Stephin Fetchit and Willie Best show up in a few as characters named Snowshoes and Lightnin'. Let's face it, we've gotten politically correct to the extreme and are willing to forego cinematic history as a result. Fox had to pull the movies quickly.

Luckily, there's home DVD and political correctness is never an issue at the cash register. So, once again, I can watch Number # 1 Son light his pants on fire and be transported back to my grandmother's living room all in one glorious moment.

Suspect: "His story is full of holes and it won't hold water.

Charlie: "Correction please. Sponge also full of holes. Does hold water."

Dinner last night: the great BLT sandwich from Clementine's.