Wednesday's Child is Full of Woe

And so am I.

---I have enough of this Red Sox knucklehead Jonathan Papelbon and his Lord of the Dance routine. He reminds me of some Catholic high school kid on St. Patrick's Day who has one beer and then promptly throws up into his backpack.

---Or the jerk in gym class who is standing two feet away from you in a dodgeball game and still slams the ball into your head.

---At least, this time, he remembered to put his pants and shoes on.

---You know that, at some point, some opposing player is going to get pissed at his shenanigans. And then, his Irish jig morphs into an IRA car bomb.

---But, then again, we could have been watching Jose Reyes in a postgame samba.

---The real dancing in baseball last week was the Yankees' spin on their insulting offer to Joe Torre.

---They did that with all the subtlety of the Third Reich.

---"What concentration camps?"

---They played the Yankee fan as a complete buffoon. Like their fan base actually thinks Adolf Hitler had a customer service department.

---More baseball: everybody is talking about the great feel good story being written by the young bucks on the Colorado Rockies, now headed to the World Series.

---People are saying that it's refreshing to root for these kids who have yet to be tainted by the almighty dollar.

---Yeah, call me in a few years when players like Matt Holliday and Brad Hawpe become free agents and leave snowtire marks racing out of Denver.

---The Rockies will never be able to compete on a dollar-for-dollar basis. Let's face it, until their September hot streak, Coors Field was half full.

---Or half empty for those pessimistic readers.

---With the latest catastrophes hitting Southern California, I do appreciate all the people who check in to see if I am okay.

---Trust me. I live nowhere near Malibu.

---If I lived in Malibu, do you think I'd be writing a blog for you people every day?

---You don't have to call me unless you hear there's an explosion at the Coffee Bean on the corner of Santa Monica and Beverly Glen.

---Last year, I actually had somebody check in on me when there was a tsunami warning in Japan.

---When do we get to see the pictures of Barbra, wearing a kerchief and hosing down her roof?

---All the people who had to evacuate their homes in San Diego are all camped out in Qualcomm Stadium. News reports says it is a very orderly gathering.

---Unlike what happened in the Louisiana Superdome after Katrina hit.

---And the difference is what? Come on, folks, you all know the answer.

---The California fires have prompted wall-to-wall coverage on all TV stations. Amazing shots, especially in high-def. And very educational. For instance, you learn that black smoke signifies a fire that just started. White smoke means that Lake Arrowhead has a new Pope.

---AOL cut 20,000 jobs. There goes the unemployment rate in Pakistan.

---When they call HR to talk about their benefits, somebody should put them on hold for 20 minutes.

---I had some telemarketer from India call me last week and stumble with the pronounciation of his name, which he said was "Joe."

---How the hell can you mess up saying "Joe?"

---I went to see the Halle Berry/Benecio Del Toro movie "Things We Lost in the Fire."

---Apparently, one of the things was a decent script. A dreary mess.

---Benecio Del Toro always looks like he just ate a bad burrito.

---His eyes have more bags than a Louis Vuitton outlet store.

---I do, however, recommend "Lars and the Real Girl." Very quirky, but it holds your interest.

---Oh, so that's what I'm supposed to do with that plastic sex toy I ordered over the internet.

---Speaking of dummies, anybody who is perhaps considering a 2008 lever pull for Miss Hillary needs to read this month's Vanity Fair. Ironically, it's the one with JFK and Jackie on the cover.

---It goes in great detail to describe how Hillary completely railroaded Gore's 2000 campaign in favor of her NY Senate campaign. By the end of Bill's term in office, he and Al Snore barely spoke.

---She is the quintessential pushy broad. You know that this Presidential campaign is serving in lieu of alimony payments from Bill. This is the ton of flesh she has extracted from her alleged husband.

---And you also read how they selected NY for her Senate run. Hillary's folks realized that super liberal New Yorkers are dopes and would probably elect Joe Stalin if he was on the Democratic ticket.

---I was shocked to hear that scuzzbucket rapist Robert Chambers is actually out of jail. And getting busted for cocaine possession.

---I figured he was still behind bars. Canoodling with some guy named Bruno and answering to the name of "Peggy."

---I think I know the real reason why that dog adoption place got so ticked when weepy Ellen DeGeneres re-gifted that puppy to her hairdresser.

---Maybe the hair stylist is Korean?

I'm off to NY for Game 3 of the World Series at Shea Stadium this Saturday night. No, wait a minute...

Dinner last night: Eggplant Parmagiana at Earth, Wind, and Flour.