Last Wednesday Before Toll

Those of you with EZ-Pass, please keep reading.

---I actually feel sorry for Barack Obama. I know the feeling.

---My pastor's nuts, too.

---My reverend, with her ultra leftist and feminist leanings, has driven more people away than Beverly Hills Cab.

---And that's the point. When you don't buy into the minister, you walk away.

---I had to laugh when Reverend Wrong told the press club that he was patriotic because he spent time in the military.

---Yeah, so did Lee Harvey Oswald.

---Thanks to Wright's re-appearance from the mattresses, Obama's chances are starting to look like a Christmas tree on January 15.

---No wonder he doesn't want any more debates. Especially since ABC elevated themselves to third grade questions in the last debate.

---"Mrs. Clinton, what's your stand on asparagus?

---"Mr. Obama, boxers or briefs?"

---"Can either one of you please tell the American public why betamax machines failed?"

---I can't believe I have to do this for one more week.

---The Dodgers' Andruw Jones is so bad that...

---Watching him swing Sunday was like watching the guy from your mail room who has had one too many brewskis at the company picnic.

---Rumor has it Andruw hit his toe on a coffee table last week and they put in the box score.

---His three whiffs on Sunday singlehandedly ended global warming.

---Of course, in the true spirit of a bi-coastal blog, let's not forget that big load on the east coast.

---The Mets' Carlos Delgrounder to Second.

---I say we put Carlos and Andruw in a home run derby contest. That would last three months.

---Okay, Delgrounder to Second did hit two home runs on Sunday and the Met fans trashed him for not taking a curtain call.

---Come on, people. Everybody knows that players who don't like to stand for the National Anthem also don't take curtain calls!

---After those two homeruns, I wonder if they tested him for steroids.

---Roger Clemens supposedly had a ten year relationship with some country singer.

---But it wasn't sexual.

---They never are.

---But, just like his use of steroids, Roger has vehemently denied this.

---Uh-huh. And men love to look at Pamela Anderson because she's a good cook.

---Given his past reputation as a head hunter, I guess that's an interesting irony for Roger.

---The mouth is on the other foot, so to speak.

---You've got to read these Wednesday rants very carefully, gang.

---In his denial, Roger also thanked his wife for her support. Along with his sons. Koby, Kory, Kacy, and Kody.

---Klemens. One krazy krackpot of a krook.

---The National Hockey League has started the Stanley Cup playoffs and....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

---The New York Rangers are doing well in the playoffs and...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

---Does anybody give a shit about hockey in this country anymore? After their last year-long strike, these toothless wonders killed whatever popularity the sport had here.

---I wonder who has more fans. The National Hockey League or the Kansas City Royals? Will somebody do a quick head count? And you might need two hands.

---On American Idol last night, Paula Abdul actually started to give a critique of a song performance she hadn't heard yet. Or maybe she did, thanks to some advance transmissions from the mother ship.

---They trotted out Neil Diamond as mentor and they touted his legendary performance in the movie "The Jazz Singer."

---Which is widely regarded as one of the biggest bombs ever to come out of Hollywood.

---Has anyone seen Neil Diamond in the movies since?

---Seeing him at the popcorn stand at the Arclight doesn't count.

---Rhetorical question: who has the potential to be the fattest person in the world?

---Answer: A bulimic with Alzheimer's.

---I'm here all week. Try the veal and remember to tip your waiters.

Dinner last night: Spicy chicken and vegetable stir fry.