When it comes to humor, I'm always dry.
---The 2008 baseball season has opened and it wasn't even April 1. How long before we get to see a Christmas Day doubleheader?
---Santa Claus Bobbleheads to the first 20,000 fans.
---It's glorious to see a baseball game in Los Angeles on March 31. But, what about the other two-thirds of the country which won't see nighttime temperatures over 50 till about May 15?
---I view it all as a conspiracy from those people who market hot chocolate.
---By the way, do you know anybody who actually drinks Ovaltine? Blackboard chalk mixed with milk.
---So, the last opening day ever in Yankee Stadium got postponed. 50,000 jerks got hammered by 10AM for nothing.
---Drinking for no reason whatsoever? The anti-alcoholic.
---I had to watch Billy Crystal chase after Joe Torre at Dodger Opening Day. Does this guy have a job? Aren't there some commentary tracks he can do for the upcoming DVD release of "Soap?"
---Why doesn't Crystal just go down to Kings Road in West Hollywood, pick up a teenage male hooker, and get it over with?
---On Opening Day, the Mets finally got that one win they needed against the Marlins last September.
---The Hispanic juggernaut continues. The Met back-up catcher is Raul Casanova, who was old when I was a kid. I believe he graduated high school with Don Quixote.
---Who's singing the National Anthem at the Shea Opener next week? Tito Puentes' nephew??
---If Cantinflas was still alive, Mr. Met would be out of work as team mascot.
---And, in their second game, Pedro Martinez pulled us as lame as Sancho Panza's mule.
---Pedro's next start: July 1.
---No one song on the radio makes me dial flip faster than the grossly overrated and immensely annoying "American Pie" by Don McLean. Plus it's like 15 minutes long.
---"Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry."
---Huh?
---The screwball who wrote "The Color Purple" has compared Obooboo to Nelson Mandela.
---I'm a buyer on that notion. When do we get to put him in jail?
---The Democrats can't keep bitching about the disenfranchised voters of Florida in 2000 if they don't solve their own problems in Michigan and Florida in 2008.
---Those pinheads who say Hillary should drop out of the race apparently flunked algebra.
---I say we solve the Democratic nomination process by pitting Hillary and Ba-lack against a couple of fifth graders on that Jeff Foxworthy sewage spill.
---Or one of those steel case death matches they use in wrestling?
---With Bill vs. that ugly sow Michelle Obooboo as the pre-lim?
---"Helter skelter in a summer shelter, the birds flew off with a fallout shelter."
---Huh?
---Reverend Wright, please say hello to Judge Crater when you see him.
---By the way, the Wright Reverend has himself a 10,000 square foot home in the middle of the most lily White neighborhood in Chicago.
---All that room gives him plenty of room to hide from those despicable and vile neighbors.
---I watched Dolly Parton mention the American Idol finalists yesterday and I am guessing she has bras older than most of them.
---Maybe Dolly should have coached them through this...
---"And while Lenin read a book of Marx, the quartet practiced in the dark."
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.
Dinner last night: Broccoli pesto pasta at Maria's Italian Kitchen.
6 comments:
"American Pie" is seven minutes long but it feels like fifteen. Tedium's like that. Don McLean is Mount Vernon's answer to...no one I can think of. I read he even got cash from the producers of that "American Pie" movie swill for use of the name.
P.S.
From the Annoying Nitpicking Dept:
The Lennon mentioned in the song is John, not Nikolai
If you print out the lyrics on-line, they spell it Lenin.
They're wrong. Lennon/Marx is Don's idea of wit. The entire song is full of thinly veiled references to rockers going back to Buddy Holly("the day the music died").
How could you trust on-line information?
The Lennon/Marx reference also goes to a popular comedy album of the day, with a cover that had "All Hail Marx/Lennon" featuring the non-Russian Lennon. Can't remember the perpetrators of the album, but it was funny in its time.
Actually, I kind of liked American Pie, at least the first few times I heard it. But is seemed that the song (often in the cut-down, 40minute version so stations could sell more commercials) was on about every 10 minutes. It gets little play on oldies stations here because it's (a) long and (b) a period piece.
Puck is right. The group is the brilliant Firesign Theatre, and I still have the original vinyl.
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