That was the week that was. Wacky, wild, widiculous.
---Add to my ever growing list of annoying idiots the name of Barbara Walters, who is now touting her memoirs across the country. Yesterday, she plopped her shriveled ass down on Queen Oprah's loveseat.
---Of course, the big news is that this old fossil once had a long-standing affair with former Massachusetts Senator Edward Brooke, who also happens to be Black.
---This brings to mind that scene from "Blazing Saddles" where Madeline Kahn is asking Cleavon Little if it's true what they say about Black men.
---Barbara Walters concurs: "It's twue, it's twue."
---Barbara's big revelation wouldn't be such a big deal if the senator in question was dead.
---But he's not. And he's married.
---Mr. Brooke, that was the front and the back of the bus that just ran over you.
---Ms. Walters tells her audience that her story is something most women could identify with.
---Uh-huh. Because I have a lot of female friends who have had affairs with Black senators.
---And make 12 million dollars a year for sitting on that morning cluckfest, "The View," with a soundtrack that sounds like the "Chicken Run" movie played at the wrong speed.
---Or have access to cafe society for being nothing but a hack journalist.
---Like those questions she used to ask on those "probing" questions you used to ask on those celebrity profiles.
---"What kind of tree would you be?"
---"When did you first learn that you could sort laundry?"
---"How hard or soft is your stool after you eat a big meal?"
---Okay, I made the last two up.
---I think.
---Grandma's appearance with Oprah came one day after that other fraud showed up there. Tom Cruise.
---Mr. "Dumb as a Post" showed again how thoroughly classless he is. A man who needs directions to get out of a car wash.
---Everytime I see this lunkhead touting his bizarre life messages, I think about those goofy teenagers stationed outside the Scientology center on Hollywood Boulevard, offering "free" stress tests to tourists.
---They have given over their minds to this evil phenomenon most likely because they think they will get an autograph from Cruise.
---It is 10PM. Do you know where your children's minds are?
---So, in their never ending quest to help bridge sexes, races, and nationalities, the three would-be Presidential morons all make appearances on some World Wide Wrestling special.
---A sport that regularly promotes violence, sexism, racism, and hatred to young viewers.
---I can't make up this mayhem.
---Hey, Hillary, that pounding sound you hear is Obama warming up Mariano Rivera in the bullpen.
---I went to Dodger Stadium on Cinco De Mayo, where it quickly became Sinko De Mets.
---When exactly did they sell all those blue Dodger sombreros?
---If there were any immigration authorities at the game, they must have been nervously fingering their handcuffs all night. For them, it was probably like the Willy Wonka chocolate factory.
---I was actually waiting for a bull to come in through the center field gate.
---And, speaking of Andruw Jones,...
---The hits just keep on not coming.
---When do they officially rename the "Mendoza line" after Jones?
---If Andruw was dealing black jack in Vegas and the player said "hit me," he probably couldn't.
---Jones automatically has an 0-2 count before he even leaves for the ballpark.
---Indeed, Las Vegas might be a good spot for Andruw to be for a month or so. That's the Triple A home of the Dodgers.
---This is Joe Torre's first real test. He has three outfielders hitting over .300. And Andruw not even hitting an idiot's IQ.
---And, speaking of an idiot...
---Just how many women did renowned family guy Roger Clemens actually sleep with?
---And how the hell did he miss Barbara Walters because she was apparently making the rounds?
---Every time I read about another lie told by Fat Roger, I secretly wish I was reading the morning paper and eating a bowl of Cheerios at the Mike Piazza breakfast table.
Dinner last night: Pot roast.
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