Sad to say, I didn't write what follows. But, it popped up in my inbox and it's so on target.
It will greatly amuse half of you and thoroughly piss off the other half.
And I'm expecting that division to come right down to gender lines.
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way.10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine.21. Retrieve card.22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
Dinner last night: Grilled bratwurst at Dodger Stadium.
3 comments:
There's also a woman's way to pay for groceries.
1. never use cash
2. use checkbook or credit card but keep on bottom of huge purse until AFTER the entire bill is totaled. Then and only then open purse, rummage through pile of junk and eventually find what you need. Don't hurry. We've got all the time in the world. You're more important than us.
3. squint at total on register and question cashier, making sure every last coupon was scanned.
4. as slowly as possible write out check and enter amount in check register. No rush.
5. argue with bagger over exactly how you want groceries packed. Fuss over everything. Repack if needed.
6. examine receipt and argue some more, pointing out which prices you are sure are lower than what they charged you.
7. audit coupons and file in appropriate holder.
8. avoid angry glares from shoppers behind you as you exit like royalty.
9. do it again next time.
BTW. Netflix sent me those first month free coupons like the one you gave me. Chris mentioned he might want to sign up. If he does, he can have a coupon. They gave me four.
The second one was an e-mail.
Post a Comment