Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Wednesdays

Even Indy can't help you here.

---Amazing news! To all those kooks who lined up for hours overnight to see the latest Indiana Jones adventure over the Memorial Day weekend: I checked the papers this morning and the movie is still playing!

---And it will probably still be playing in a couple of weeks as well.

---And it will still be around in a few weekends when I finally get around to it. Without some slob sitting behind me and gabbing on their cell phone. Or texting plot points to some other lemming at home.

---The Arclight Cinemas in Hollywood were actually showing the movie every hour on the hour. You can't even get a city bus that frequently in Los Angeles.

---This week, there will probably be a similar frenzy for "Sex and the City."

---And as much as I liked the show, it will be nothing more than 4 episodes strung together.

---The media hype for that thing is insane. I can't believe that Entertainment Weekly turned over an entire issue to a comprehensive guide for the show and the movie.

---Except my surprise was shortlived when I remembered that HBO is producing the movie. Which is owned by Time Warner.

---Which publishes Entertainment Weekly.

---That's what I call two degrees of exploitation.

---I was propelled to TiVo Oprah last week when she staged a cast reunion of one of my favorite TV shows, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

---It was just love that was all around. So was Oprah. Very, very, very round.

---The host looked awful and will probably be pushing some new fad diet very soon.

---Doesn't anybody realize that a person who yo yos that much in the weight department must be a psychological mess?

---Oprah was sporting major HAS. High Ass Strut.

---She looked like somebody asking you to read the third line from the bottom at the DMV.

---So, the Catholic archodiocese in Los Angeles is hitting on its parishes to pay that 700 million dollar legal bill as a result of all that "extra guidance" some priests were giving altar boys.

---That sucques for the average churchgoers who think they're dropping some dollar bills into the offering basket for the good of the church and the surrounding community.

---Little do they know that they are paying to feed a starving attorney in Bel Air.

---And if Hillary had thought about it, here's what she should have said about what happened with the Democratic nomination in 1968.

---"Let's not forget that Hubert Humphrey didn't get the nomination till the convention in August."

---By mentioning Robert Kennedy's assassination, she pretty much blew her chance to be on Obama's ticket.

---As cold and calculating and shrewd as Hillary is, even I know she wouldn't have been that stupid to think of that statement in advance.

---It gave Obama's people to bring up one more time the one thing they always swear they don't bring up. Racism.

---Of course, they think it's totally cool when that big yap, Michelle Obama, goes on 60 Minutes and tells America that, as a Black man, Barack could be easily shot at a gas station.

---I got an easy solution for that. Don't buy your gas in shitty neighborhoods.

---On third thought, I am guessing that Obama hasn't seen the business end of a gas pump in about 10 years.

---"Hey, I'm on a quarter of a tank. Somebody go fill me up."

---By the way, brain-tumored Ted Kennedy was piloting a sailboat over the weekend. With his condition and past driving record, would you want to be a passenger on that thing?

---Watching Willie Randolph uncomfortably sit alongside Met GM Omar Minaya during a press conference that pretty much announced that Willie still hasn't been fired, he looked to me very much like Elliot Spitzer's wife. (Thanks to the Bibster for that nifty comparison)

---Or Fredo Corleone on his way to the rowboat.

---The Dodgers' Andrew Jones is having surgery on his knee and will be out from four to five weeks. I needed a rest anyway.

---His daily physical therapy will be conducted at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles.

---The supreme class act, Mike Piazza, announced his retirement from baseball.

---Which means that, if Fathead Roger Clemens finally does the same this summer, those two could potentially enter the Baseball Hall of Fame together five years from now.

---I think they will need to have the two plaques separated.

---Mike can be enshrined in Cooperstown. Roger can be hung up in Sing Sing.

---I am guessing that Clemens doesn't get in on the first ballot.

---Or the 17th ballot.

---Or ever.

---Watching the Dodgers play the Cardinals over the weekend, I got the opportunity to be re-acquainted with the most overrated manager in baseball, Tony LaRussa.

---Scoring a game he manages makes my scorebook look like Stevie Wonder was doing the play-by-play. Scumbucket Tony makes so many double switches I'm shocked the players can even figure out when they're batting.

---And, of course, the reputed genius LaRussa is so super clever because he bats the pitcher eighth instead of ninth. Like that makes a difference.

Dinner last night: Sausage and peppers at Earth, Wind, and Flour.

---See how stupid that looks.

And tomorrow, all this cheap sarcasm comes to you from NYC.