Wednesdays are Down 4 3/8

Take stock in some sarcasm, which is always at a premium here.

---If Asians ran their financial systems the way they drive....

---Every time I hear about the Asian market, I think about yellow peppers being on sale.

---Walking through Flushing for the last Met game on Sunday, I felt like I was in an episode of "The Amazing Race." More Orientals were knocking me over on their way to a sale at Caldor's.

---In the space of two minutes waiting for the light to change at Main Street and Roosevelt Avenue, I saw three separate fender benders.

---But I bet if you watched them drive the bumper cars at Coney Island, they wouldn't hit a single thing.

---That's the fun thing about stereotypes. 95% of the time they can be validated.

---So, is my new bank now called "Washington Manhattan?"

---"Chase Mutual?"

---By the way, for those keeping score, I have had a mortgage since 1993 and never missed a single payment.

---Overheard at the urinals at the last Shea Stadium game. Fan #1: "Rusty Staub was, like, the greatest baseball player evah."

---Fan #2: "He was not. You can maybe say he was the greatest red headed baseball player evah."

---Fan #1: "Okay, maybe the greatest red headed baseball player evah who could cook baby back ribs."

---One flush. Then another. Only in New York.

---Also at Shea during the closing ceremonies as former Met reliever Jesse Orosco was introduced: "Where the hell were you an hour ago?"

---To all those Yankee and Met fans without a postseason: On behalf of Ambassador Tommy Lasorda, I cordially invite you all to the safe haven of Los Angeles Dodger fandom to root against those asshole Chicago Cubs.

---Longtime Cub broadcaster and resident jerk Ron Santo would give up a body part to see the Cubs win the World Series. Except he has none left.

---Since the Cubs last won a championship, women now have the right to vote.

---And I think the last time they won something, Jesus had tickets in the club level at Wrigley Field.

---1908. All Dodger fans must commit that to memory and commence to chanting it on Saturday night.

---"Manny Goes to Chicago." Sounds like a children's book.

---1908 was also the last year Barbara Walters was sexually attractive.

---And the last time Oprah saw her feet.

---Nineteen-oh-eight!

---When the Dodgers had their clinching game at home last week, Lasorda walked the stands and thanked all the fans in the left field pavillion.

---Which was confusing to me since it's "all you can eat" in the right field pavillion.

---The good thing about being in NY for all the Shea hoopla was that I paid zero attention to the Presidential race. And the first debate.

---Remember the day when a Presidential candidate would go on a talk show and somebody like Merv Griffin or Mike Douglas would ask them only the most serious of questions?

---Now you have Letterman bashing McCann and the View getting Obama to mix up a batch of his grandmother's famous gumbo.

---Shame on all of them.

---I read somewhere that Obama's camp says he will win in a landslide. How does that happen when neither candidate is popular with more than half the population?

---Do the math, suckers.

---Note to self: dust under the bed since I will be living there the next four years.

Dinner last night: Turkey burger.