I Just Don't Get....

With the Oscar nomination shutout of “The Dark Knight” from the Best Picture category, I finally feel validated. At least this time. I’ve written here before about my disdain for this movie. Never saw what all the attention was about. Never understood how people got into such frenzy over it. Never saw the craftsmanship in what was essentially three hours of unmitigated noise. Heath Ledger, of course, was destined to be nominated as soon as he died. Indeed, his performance is compelling, but doesn’t rise to any great levels. The easiest thing for an actor to play is crazy and that’s pretty much what Ledger’s Joker was. He’ll probably win because people in the business want to wallow in the pain of his untimely demise one more time. Oddly enough, I can tell you some other actors who were much more deserving of a posthumous Oscar than the pill-addled Heath. What about James Dean in “Rebel Without a Cause?” Or Spencer Tracy in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” But, I alas digress…

There are a load of other over-hyped movies, TV shows, and yes, personalities that I "get" as much as I got “The Dark Knight.” The ultimate mysteries for me. In a world full of dog whistles, here are a few mongrels that I just can’t respond to in any shape, form, or emotion.

Ugly Betty: Many folks love this show. I watched the premiere and found that it was shot so brightly my eyes began to hurt. I have never revisited. One episode and I was done for life.

30 Rock: I know, I know, I know. I have tried to watch this countless times every season and still come away as if I’d been to the funeral of a 4 year-old. Not a single laugh and it’s a setting that I cannot identify with. Some have compared it to the old “Mary Tyler Moore Show.” These people should be banished to a leper colony posthaste. If you are digging it, God bless you. But, given the national audience ratings which are still in the low single digits, there ain’t many of you out there.

Mad Men: I know, I know, I know. Here’s another one I have tried to sample. On three separate occasions, I have tried to watch Season 1. And somehow someway I can’t get past the third episode. It has all the earmarkings of something I would normally love: comedy mixed with drama set in a nostalgic time frame. Amazingly, the show still doesn't captivate me. And, for some reason, all the female actresses on this show are putrid.

The Amazing Race: I have watched this show twice and hated it. Well, I pretty much signed off the first time I saw it but then the stepson of some guy in my church won it all and I was mildly interested enough to watch somebody I know through somebody else win a half million dollars. The camera work is so frenetic you feel like you’re on the IRT during rush hour. With nausea to boot.

Dancing with the Stars: How can I get addicted to “American Idol” and not watch this mess? Very easy. On Idol, you’re watching some kids with talent and a dream. On this swill, you’re watching some has-beens with marginable talent and a bathroom they’re looking to renovate.

Jim Carrey: I have never ever gotten this guy. The ultimate dog whistle. Actually the ultimate pile of dog crap.

Tony Bennett: I quote my grandmother. "That dumb guinea can't sing." While I love a good song stylist, there is something about his intonations that are so incredibly smug and unfeeling. Plus if you stare at his face long enough, you get a stye.

Saturday Night Live: It hasn't been cutting edge since Belushi and Radner were still alive. The first sketch, which used to be the only reason to watch, is now unwatchable. A great way to find actors that are truly adept at reading cue cards. An embarrassment from 1130PM to 1AM. And Lorne Michaels should be riddled with bulletholes on a weekly basis.

Martin Luther King Jr. National Holiday: Why? I remember when it wasn’t a day off. It became one because civil service workers (AKA people sitting on stools behind counters) bitched, moaned, and groaned. And the Black kids in my high school stormed the cafeteria and took it over for a week in protest. The guy had a national presence and certainly did some good things. I would counter, however, my loony pastor’s notion that people worldwide celebrate him. Huh? Like some steel worker in Poland gives a shit. And let’s not forget that the dude had some major warts. For instance, trying to screw as many women on the road as possible. Why the hell do you think he was staying in some fleabag motel in Memphis when he got murdered? But, then again, I’d screw around, too, if I had to come home to his wife whose face resembled that of My Friend Flicka. Again, I have to quote Grandma: "He preached non-violence, but every place he went there was a riot."

Christopher Reeve: An incredibly bad actor who has been raised to the level of Sir Laurence Olivier simply because he was too stupid to know that he shouldn’t have been jumping hurdles on a horse. Then, he’s lauded as this great humanitarian and genius, even though he cheated on his first wife openly in public and is widely known as being not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Citizen Kane: Considered the greatest American movie ever. Not in my book. I have tried on countless times to “get” this movie. Seen it on television. Saw it on the big screen. It’s good, but way over directed. Rosebud, my ass.

Now I'm sure there are some of you who would counter me on any of the above. I didn't say I was right. It's merely a reflection of my personal taste. I guess that's what makes democracy great.

Dinner last night: Dried cappacollo sandwich.