Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Wednesday # 1, Year # 3

Finger Lickin' Nastiness. Baked to perfection right here.

---So that's why the Germans went so goofy over Obama last year. They had all these chicken parts to package and sell.

---The manufacturer is quick to point out that there was no racism intended here.
---But you'll notice it wasn't Chicken Cordon Bleu.

---Or filet mignon from Omaha Steaks.

---Or Obama Steaks.

---Yes, groan. But can I remind you that this blog remains free of charge in its third year?

---Now we are told that the economy is not as bad as the government thought it was.

---Or should it be that the economy is no longer as bad as the government needed it to be?

---I’m thinking the Girl Scouts selling Thin Mints outside the supermarket is all the stimulus we need.

---And talk about revivals? How about a remake of the Cuban missile crisis from 1962? Russia says they want to put some bombers on that island which is just two spits and an arc from Miami.

---This didn’t get a lot of play in the media. Why would it? After all, it is news.

---Funny how this happens less than a week after Obama announces he wants to ease relations with the little island.

---For over 47 years, the country never bothered us. Now we want to be friends?

---What the hell do we need Cuba for anyway? Desi Arnaz is dead.

---Oh, yeah, every once in a while, we find a couple of potential major league pitchers floating on a piece of wood around Key West.

---Pitchers who tell us they’re 32 when, in reality, they once roomed with Luis Tiant.

---If we have another crisis with Cuba, I’m not as confident this time around. I don’t think Obama has a smart brother.

---More from the Stupid International Relations Division of the Obamanation: British Prime Minister Gordon Brown met with the President and gifted him with a pen holder made from wood pulled from an old slave ship. A noteworthy gesture.

---Obama reciprocated with a DVD gift set. Perhaps he and Michelle were trying to stimulate the economy with a quick run through Best Buy.

---I wonder if it was Season 1 or Season 2 of Good Times.

---I have been told that Brits are now pretty ticked off at Obama. He met with Brown for 30 minutes, while he jawed with the head of the IRA for two hours.

---I’m not surprised. The Irish probably brought liquor.

---Oh, what can you expect from a President whose sum total of international experience came from listening to the director’s commentary track on the War Games DVD?

---The big shots at AIG got a bailout of 175 billion dollars from our wallets and then dealt out 160 million dollars in bonuses.

---Bankrupt a company and get a performance bonus? Where do I send my resume?

---Giving AIG money to survive is like calling the fire department when your house is ablaze and they send over the town arsonist.

---Obama expressed indignation, but only after he was pressed with questions. Hey, you're the President and you cobbled out this deal, so don't wring your hands in front of us.

---I like the senator who summed it all up this way. We should adopt Japanese business principles. You screw up your company and you have to commit suicide. Done.

---Obama does Leno tonight. And is it me or is there something inherently wrong with a sitting President appearing on a late night comedy show?

---Maybe they'll keep the talk simple and all we will hear is who the President is picking in the White House brackets pool.

---Well, back to Octo-Mom, who spent last Saturday at Knott’s Berry Farm and last Sunday at Disneyland. With an all-day park hopping pass you and I paid for.

---She took just two of the 14 kids. Probably part of the first litter.

---Aren’t the last eight still in the hospital? What else is she doing on Space Mountain when her latest lab experiments are still hooked up at Circuit City Hospital?

---She was besieged for autographs at Disneyland and what the hell do you do with that signature?

---Does she sign it with her real name that nobody can remember or simply use “Best Wishes and Lots of Laughs, Octo-Mom?”

---It was country music night on Idol and that always disengages me. All the songs sound like somebody trying to scrape horse shit off their shoe with a popsicle stick.

---I always picture a country singer as some dude with a guitar case and hitchhiking on the side of the road.

---Which is why I think Scott the blind guy gets the boot this week. Because if he's hitchhiking on the side of the road, he'll never see what's coming.

Dinner last night: Chicken and rice.

And tomorrow, it's back in the Big Apple!






1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why didn't some outraged taxpayer toss Octo-Mom off of Big Thunder Railroad?